A-man-d(a)own
by Ira4
Summary: <html><head></head>Amanda saves a young girl's life and ends up involved in a risky situation.</html>
1. Chapter 1

_I don't own the characters on SVU._

_the title is just a play on words, I couldn't find a name for this fic so I jest used this one._

_So I'm back with another fic. it's a WIP but I hope to update soon._

_hope you enjoy._

* * *

><p>It was still dark outside, but Amanda was wide awake.<p>

She was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She's been up for a while, tried to go back to sleep more than once, but it was useless.

Too many thoughts were running through her head. It had been a crazy week, they had four open cases and there was so much to look through, so many witnesses to interview. But somehow it felt like they didn't get anywhere.

And there was the whole situation with Nick.

She could tell herself it was work that kept her up, but it wasn't exactly true. It was mostly this damn thing with Nick and his bizarre behavior.

He was finally brought back to SVU and she hoped things would be back to the way they were before he was demoted.

It was just sex.

They had been sleeping together for a while, both needing something more than just company, more than just a friend. But it wasn't supposed to be more than sex though. Just two people who wanted that physical connection, the pleasure that could make so many things disappear.

They couldn't deny it was pleasurable, maybe a bit awkward at first, but it didn't take long for things to be really good.

Even though it was only sex it wasn't cheap, not like he was gone a second after they were done. They would meet at her apartment, eat something, maybe watch some TV, talk.

It felt good, feeling him touch her, kiss her. And she liked feeling his skin under her hands and body. He would spend the night with her if it was late, and if it wasn't they would lie in bed for a while, close to each other.

But they weren't in love or anything. Sure, they had some feeling for each other, but she couldn't define them, and she didn't talk to him about it.

Those feelings became stronger when he was arrested after beating up Wilkes. The thought of him going to jail was somewhat unbearable, she found herself missing him already.

So she did everything she could to fix the situation.

But after he was released things didn't go back to normal. He was demoted and didn't answer her calls. She only called twice, she didn't want to bother him, but she really wanted him to tell her he was fine.

The first couple of days after he got back he kind of kept his distance, she didn't give him a hard time about it but it hurt her more than she was willing to admit.

Maybe these feelings were stronger than she thought.

She wasn't falling back to sleep anytime soon so she decided to get up.

Even Frannie wasn't up yet, Amanda watched her for a moment but she felt herself getting restless again.

Maybe she should run, running calmed her down often. She dressed quickly and left the apartment.

* * *

><p>The fresh air in the park felt good. It was very early and there weren't many people outside. Maybe it would be a good idea to do this everyday, jogging so early, the sun rising. It made everything feel new, like the new day might bring good things.<p>

She stopped by the water for a moment, it looked so beautiful and Amanda just had to stare for a while. She wasn't sure why, but all this green made her feel… _happier?_

She chuckled to herself, at least it was nature that made her feel better, not something else. Not so long ago the only thing that calmed her down was gambling.

But she was working hard not to go back there, she hit rock bottom and she did not want to go back.

She looked around a little, just watching the people.

There was a man walking his dog, it made her smile, she knew she had to go home soon to take Frannie for a walk too.

There were two women who were jogging together, they seemed to be in their thirties. Amanda thought that they could be mothers, taking sometime for themselves before their kids would wake up and the chaos of the morning begins.

There was also a young girl, she looked maybe 14, but she was just walking around, staring at the ground. What was she doing at the park at this hour? It didn't look like she was coming back from a party, nor did she look like a homeless kid who might have no place to go back to. No, this girl was dressed in simple but not cheap clothes.

She walked right past Amanda, didn't look up, but Amanda could see the empty expression on her face, she has seen it before more than once.

The girl stopped to look at the water for a moment and then kept on walking towards the bridge that was close by. Amanda watched her, something felt wrong so she walked after her.

The girl stopped when she was standing in the middle of the bridge, but she didn't stop for too long, as she climbed over the rail.

"Stop" Amanda shouted but the girl didn't seem to hear her, or didn't care. A second later she jumped in to the cold water.

A jogger stopped right next to Amanda at that moment "call 911" she ordered while she took off her jacket and jumped into the water after the girl.

The only thing on Amanda's mind was getting to the girl, saving her. She didn't even feel the cold water surrounding her.

Finally she could see her body not far from her and swam faster towards her. She caught her and made her way up, out of the water.

There were more people standing by the water now and once she was closer to the ground someone helper her carry the girl and lay her down. She was still breathing and Amanda could see the EMTs running towards them so she sat down and put her jacket on.

Suddenly she realized how cold she felt but once the girl was on the gurney one of the EMTs told her to get into the ambulance with them. He gave her a blanket and focused his attention on the girl.

A doctor examined her at the hospital, she felt fine and left after a short time. She still had to take care of Frannie and go to work.

* * *

><p>"Nice work" Fin told Amanda after hearing her story "you had an exciting morning"<p>

"Exciting indeed" she took a sip of her coffee.

"But what were you doing there so early?" he smiled at her.

"Jogging" she smiled back.

"Man, that's too early for that" Fin shook his head and turned his attention back to his computer screen.

Amanda smiled to herself, if only he had known why she was there so early. Her thoughts were interrupted by Nick walking in, he greeted them both and she smiled at him.

Fin's phone rang and he answered, it was the crime lab, they had some results for a case so Fin and Amanda had to go check it out.

They ended up spending most of the day talking to witnesses and when they got back to the precinct it was pretty late.

Amanda hoped that the grueling day would help her sleep normally, she did not want to wake up before the sunrise again.

But there was something she had to do before she got back home.

She went back to the hospital to check on the girl.

* * *

><p>"Doctor Mayers?" she asked turned to the doctor "I'm detective Rollins" she showed him her badge.<p>

"How can I help detective?" he looked even more tired than she did.

"I wanted to check on a patient of yours, the receptionist referred me to you"

"What's the name?" He yawned.

"She came here today early morning, pulled from the river in the park" she said.

"Oh, I remember" he checked the computer "Eve Collins"

"I was just wondering how she was doing"

"She was released few hours later" he told Amanda after looking at the computer again.

"Released?" Amanda was surprised "just like that?"

"Just like that" the doctor repeated her words, sounding a little bored.

"I'm sorry, but this was an attempted suicide" she whispered "and you just release her?"

"Says here it was an accident" he looked at her, but the notion of at attempted suicide didn't seem to surprise him.

"Well doctor" she got a little closer to him "I am the one who pulled her out of the water, and it was no accident"

"Look detective" he took a breath before continuing, he was the one whispering now "when the chief of stuff tells you it was an accident it's an accident"

"What?" he was told to classify it as an accident? "you know this girl?"

"No" he answered "but I do know we have an MRI machine donated by a Mr. Albert Collins"

She raised her eyebrows at him "you know him?"

He shook his head "I've got to go" he said as his pager started beeping.

"Thanks" she said quietly.

She didn't like this at all. How could they just release her? Amanda remembered the look on the girl's face, she wanted to jump.

She would not let this go, she had to find out who this Albert Collins is, MRI machine or not, his daughter needs help and Amanda was going to make sure she gets it.

* * *

><p>Sleep didn't come easy that night. But this time it wasn't Nick on her mind. She hated it when powerful people used their power to hurt others. And this time someone was willing to hurt his daughter?<p>

She still didn't know the whole story, but she had a bad feeling about it.

* * *

><p>Amanda decided not to tell Fin about her visit to the hospital, he might suggest she was being paranoid and she wasn't hundred percent sure she wasn't.<p>

When she had a moment alone she looked up Albert Collins. To her surprise there wasn't much to find. he had two paid parking tickets. Other than that there was nothing illicit about him. He was a business man, worked in the diamond industry. He had one daughter, Eve, and her mother had died in a car accident two years ago.

Amanda still didn't feel better about the whole thing.

Since the day was calmer she didn't have to stay late. But she didn't go home, she drove straight to the Collins household. There was no plan, she wanted to check it out, see how it looks, how she felt about it.

She parked her car close enough to the house. It wasn't a huge house, but it was beautiful. For a while she just looked at it, no one came in or walked out but there was light in some of the windows.

She wasn't sure how much time she spent there, but suddenly there was a knock.

Someone knocked on her car window.

_Damn it_, she thought and looked at the man who was knocking, she showed him the badge, hoping it would make him stop.

But it didn't.

He looked at her but then knocked again, this time a little harder.

"What the hell" Amanda mumbled and rolled the window down "can I help you?" she asked, holding her badge, but the other hand moved towards the gun.

"Can I help you?" he asked "You've been sitting here for a while"

"This" she showed the badge again "means I can sit here as long as I want"

He smiled at her and reached into his pocket, she was holding on to her gun now.

"I think you've been sitting here long enough" he said and showed her what he took out of the pocket, it was a badge too, an FBI badge.

He walked around her car and knocked on the other window, she looked at him for a moment before unlocking the door so he could come in.

"Listen to me" he said calmly "I don't know what you're doing here, but you have to go"

"I don't think so" she said, looking at him.

He had a little smile now "look officer, I'm not going to ask you again, if you don't want to get into trouble you would leave now and I will pretend you were never here"

"Excuse me?" she raised her eyebrows.

"Trust me" he opened the door "you don't want to get into trouble"

Amanda watched as he walked out of the car.

She drove away, but she had no intensions to let this go.

Trouble or not.


	2. Chapter 2

Trouble or not.

Amanda wasn't going to let it go, her plan was to go back to the house and this time talk to Mr. Collins. She wanted to understand what he'd been thinking, maybe he had a good reason for taking his daughter out of the hospital, but Amanda doubted it.

And the FBI agent didn't help, she was in no way afraid of him, but it meant there is more to this whole thing, and Amanda had to know what.

She couldn't find anything else in their database, only those paid parking tickets. She had to focus on work though, they still had open cases to deal with.

"What did he say?" she heard Fin's voice, he was talking to Nick who just sat down by his desk, he was out looking into an alibi of a suspect.

"Said he didn't see him there" Nick smiled "but he also told me he was drank and doesn't remember anything"

"So let's bring the guy in, tell him his alibi didn't check out" Fin suggested.

"Yeah" Nick nodded and looked at Amanda and then at Fin "I'll let Benson know you are bringing him in"

Fin gave him an odd look "when I said let's go I meant you go, I've gotta finish this report" he said "it's really important" he smiled at Nick, he did have a report to finish, but it wasn't as important as not wanting to drive over to the suspect's dorms.

"Since when are you so dedicated to paperwork?" Amanda asked him and he frowned at her.

"I believe I'm the most dedicated detective in this whole squad" he answered, trying to keep a straight face.

"I think you mean in the whole police department" Nick joked and Amanda smiled at him for a moment, he smiled back but she quickly turned to look back at her screen.

"What's going on?" it was Benson, who walked out of her office "you've got something?" she turned to Nick.

"The alibi didn't check out" he let her know.

"Alright" Liv nodded "then what are you waiting for, go bring the guy in"

Nick and Fin exchanged glances and Olivia looked at them both, Fin showed her the report he'd been working on.

"Rollins" she shook her head a little and looked at Amanda "go with him"

* * *

><p>The case they've been working on was a rape of a thirty years old woman, Marcy Millow, who had been raped in a college dorm. She didn't want to talk about it at first, and when Amanda first met her it was clear the woman was blaming herself for showing up at the dorms.<p>

Some of the students were having a party and Marcy thought it would be nice to join, hoping it could help her feel a bit younger somehow. But she felt out of place, and awkward most of the night. That is until she got drank, but a while later she woke up alone in somebody's bed with no clothes on.

Amanda explained it was in no way her fault but the woman wasn't ready to listen. It took them sometime to find out the names of all of the students who were at this party. Narrowing down the suspect list wasn't going very well either until they met Don Jones, he was almost twenty and a real jerk by the looks of it. He did admit to being at the party, but said he wasn't there for too long, and since Marcy remembered she was getting tired at midnight, the detectives figured out the assault took place sometime after that.

Don told them that a little before midnight he and his friend, Jordan, decided to leave since the party was getting really lame. But as Jordan had told Nick earlier, he could not remember that.

* * *

><p>Nick and Amanda were silent most of the ride there. It was a little awkward and Amanda hated that. Sure, she tried her best to act as if everything was alright, but she wanted him to talk to her, let her know where they stand, she would be fine either way, she just wanted to know.<p>

But it seemed like Nick might have forgotten about them. Of course Amanda knew he couldn't forget, she couldn't either, and the thought made a silly grin form on her lips and she tried to erase it.

"It's getting colder" Nick noted.

"Yeah" she agreed, thinking that a weather conversation wasn't making things less uncomfortable. Luckily they'd arrived and stepped out of the car.

Nick knocked on the door and Don opened it a few seconds later.

"Officer sexy pants!" he smiled when he saw them "come on in, make yourself comfortable" Don gestured at the bed. The room was a mess and the chairs were barely visible under the piles of clothes on them.

Nick wasn't happy about Don's remark "detective Rollins and I" he emphasized the Rollins "are here to give you a ride to the station"

"You can get comfortable there" Amanda said.

"I have been told no to get into cars with strangers" Don looked away and Nick and Amanda exchanged a look "but I guess I already know you two"

Nick shook his head and walked out of the room with Don following him, Amanda walked behind him and he smiled to her.

The guy was a jerk.

* * *

><p>Back at the station they told him to wait in the interrogation room.<p>

Nick seemed pissed and asked Fin and Amanda to handle this one. They agreed and walked in together.

"Hello detectives" Don greeted them with a smile.

"Are you high?" was Fin's first question, he seemed a little too joyful sitting in an interrogation room being a suspect of a rape.

"No way sir" he smiled again "no drugs today"

"Just know you we can test for that" Fin warned him, he clearly didn't believe the guy.

"Listen Don" Amanda said and he looked at him "your alibi didn't check out, you friend doesn't remember you being with him"

"He doesn't?" Don asked and Amanda nodded "well he was drunk, maybe it slipped his mind" he suggested, raising his arms a little.

"The problem is" Amanda stood up no "a drunken alibi doesn't help you at all"

"Not even a bit?" he tried.

"Listen kid" Fin snapped a little "you do understand this is serious right? You are a suspect in a rape"

"I didn't rape anyone" Don said.

"Can you prove that?" Fin asked.

"I think you are the ones who're supposed to prove I did something, which I didn't" he looked at Amanda "where's officer sexy pants? I like him better" he said and then turned to Fin "no offence"

Fin gave Amanda a confused look.

But Amanda wasn't confused now, she asked Fin to go outside with her.

"What?" he asked her when they reached the other side where Nick has been watching the whole interview.

"He didn't do it" she told them "I think he's gay"

"What?" Fin asked again.

"We though he's guilty so we interpreted his behavior as if he was trying to play us or something, but we were wrong" she looked at Nick.

"Why wouldn't he just tell us?" Nick asked.

"I don't know" Amanda shrugged "but we need to check the alibi again, maybe he would tell us the truth if we say we believe him"

"Ok" Nick nodded "so go back in there and ask him"

"I think he'd rather talk to officer sexy pants" Fin smiled at him.

Nick didn't say anything but he walked towards the interrogation room.

Don looked at him as he walked in "listen, Don" Nick said and sat down in front of him "I believe you didn't do this" Don nodded but didn't talk "the problem is you lied about the alibi and it complicates things" he gave him a chance to say something but he was still quiet.

"The thing is" Nick spoke again "I want to help you, and I know you don't want a guilty man to get away with this, so I need your help"

Don took a deep breath, he looked at Nick for a moment and nodded slightly.

"Just tell me the truth Don" Nick asked when Don still didn't talk.

"Truth is I wasn't with Jordan" he finally said and Nick nodded "it's kind of a secret but I have this _friend_" he raised his eyebrows "and this friend is kind of a professor and we are more than friends and I think you understand"

"I kind of do" Nick replied.

"I don't want him to get into trouble" Don explained.

"So why did you make up a story about Jordan?" He asked.

"Cause a little while before I was suppose to meet my _friend_" Don smiled "Jordan disappeared, so when you showed up I asked him to tell you we were together, I thought it would benefit both of us"

"You should have been honest from the start"

"But then we wouldn't have been hanging out so much, right?"

Nick looked at the desk for a moment "I need the name of your friend"

"He's not gonna get into trouble, right?" Don sounded a little scared.

"We'll keep it quiet" Nick promised and Don let him know the name "wait here" Nick ordered before leaving the room.

"I'll go check the new alibi" Fin said and walked back to his desk.

"What do you think?" Nick asked Amanda.

"If Don asked Jordan to lie about the alibi why would Jordan tell us the truth?" she wondered and looked at him.

"Unless he didn't" Nick said and she nodded.

"Maybe he wanted us to suspect Don" she suggested walking over to Fin, Nick followed her.

"Thank you" Fin said and hung up the phone, he turned to look at Amanda and Fin who reached his desk "the kind of professor friend confirms Don's story, asked me not to tell his wife" he smiled a little "I wonder what would happen if everyone were honest" he said it almost to himself and both Nick and Amanda tried to control their expressions, looking at opposite sides.

"We think we should check Jordan's story again" Nick said.

Fin nodded "let's go talk to him" he looked at Amanda.

"Is it let's you or let's me?" Nick asked.

"Come on Amanda" Fin said, grabbing his jacket, he didn't look at Nick but did smile a little at his comment.

Amanda followed him, she was glad she didn't have to spend another silent ride with Nick.

* * *

><p>Turned out Nick and Amanda were right. Took some rough interrogating tactics but Jordan admitted to everything. He gave them no reason though, he just did it.<p>

Amanda was glad to wrap this case up. Even though their job was never easy it felt good to bring some sort of closure to the victims.

"Well I'm off" she said getting up off her chair, she still had unfinished business of her own to take care of.

"Good job today, Rollins" Olivia told her.

"Thanks serge" Amanda smiled and said goodbye to Fin.

She got into her car and drove off. Yes, she still had the unfinished business of talking to Albert Collins. Unfortunately she didn't see that agent's car the other night so she had no idea if he was there, but she didn't really care. She was going to make sure Eve Collins gets the help she needs.

She parked at a different spot, and stayed in the car for a while. Again, she wanted to check the place out, she wasn't sure Collins was in there but there were lights on so she figured she had to try.

Amanda couldn't see the agent but stepping out of the car she had to turn around as she heard a familiar voice.

"Let me guess" it was him "trouble is your middle name"

Amanda frowned at his words as he continued talking, and she didn't like what he had to say next.

"I guess Amanda Trouble Rollins has a nice ring to it"


	3. Chapter 3

"I guess Amanda _Trouble_ Rollins has a nice ring to it"

She rolled her eyes at him when he said it. What the hell did he want? Amanda didn't want to step into his territory, to interfere with whatever the feds were doing. But she also didn't want that girl to suffer.

He gestured her to get back to the car and Amanda decided that maybe honesty would be the best policy in this case.

She sat back down and they both looked at each other for a moment.

"Don't be rude" she told him "you know my name, introduce yourself"

"Agent Andrew Mason" he said and looked straight ahead "why don't you drive us from here, we'll have a little chat"

Amanda stared at him for a moment and he raised his eyebrows at her as they still weren't moving. But then, without saying anything, she turned the engine on and drove away.

She parked the car in a close by street and turned to look at him again "listen" she said "I don't want to step into your turf…"

"I'm sure you don't detective" he didn't let her finish "but yet you are, even though I asked you to stay away"

"Asked?" she frowned "you mean threatened" she turned to him as he was about to speak but this time Amanda didn't give him the chance to do that as she raised her voice a little "you have no idea what I was doing there, you found my name through the DMV? Great job! Let me handle my business and I'll let you handle yours"

"Only problem is I know your business is my business"

"And what is my business exactly?" she countered, how much did he know about what happened to Eve? Did he know the truth or only what they told her at the hospital? Did he even care?

"I know you were looking up Albert Collins" he said.

Amanda tried to hide being surprised that he knew this information, sure she was by his house but he couldn't be sure she was checking that house in particular, but he knew she looked for information about him, did the feds have some kind of alert on his file?

This was big.

"You're right" she nodded and her voice was calmer now "as I'm sure you know, his daughter was discharged from the hospital yesterday" she waited for his acknowledgment and she continued after he nodded "it was classified as an accident but that's not true"

Now it was his turn to be taken aback by the information "what are you talking about?" he asked.

"That morning I was in the park very early and I saw her, she jumped into the water and I pulled her out, this was no accident, I mean from the look on her face…"

Agent Mason looked at Amanda, taking in what she just told him.

"So as I said before, I don't mean to interrupt whatever you're doing here, I just want to make sure that girl gets help"

She was about to turn the engine on again but he stopped her.

"What?" Amanda asked "don't expect me to ignore it"

It seemed like he was thinking about it and Amanda was getting restless. She told him the truth, he wouldn't ask her to just pretend it didn't happen, right?

"Is there a police report about it?" he asked.

"Not that I know of" she answered "the hospital has my information, but after I found out they wrote is an accident I figured no one filed a report"

"Not even you?"

Amanda shook her head "I wanted to hear what the father had to say"

"Does anyone know you're here?" he looked at her.

She narrowed her eyes at him "you're planning to get rid of me?" she chuckled and it made him smile. Amanda shook her head but didn't say anything else for a while.

"Does anyone know about any of this?" he asked.

"Seriously?" she asked, this time her gaze was more pissed than suspicious, but she did answer the question "I told my partner what had happened in the park, not the rest"

"Good" he nodded.

"So what now?" she asked after he was silent for a couple of minutes.

He looked at her "Now" he said, sounding much more serious all of the sudden "now I make you an offer you cannot refuse"

"Really?" her eyes narrowed again but she looked away this time "what are you talking about?"

Even though she was saying the words Amanda couldn't deny her curiosity. She wanted to know who this Albert Collins really was and why the FBI were after him.

But even before the agent could elaborate on his offer Amanda narrowed down the options. If he didn't plan to kill her, which she was pretty certain he didn't, he could ask her to let it go. But she already told him she had no intension on doing that.

The third option was asking her to help.

He took something out of his jacket, it was a file and he looked at it "honestly" he said "I did not expect to hear what you've just told me"

He opened the file, the way he was holding it Amanda couldn't see what it was.

"Not because I don't believe the girl would try something like that" he glanced at Amanda and then his eyes returned to the file "but because I didn't know what _you'd_ want"

Amanda wasn't sure how to take this, maybe he did want to get rid of her in the eternal way.

"I read this very interesting piece of work" he said and handed her the file.

For a moment she just looked at it, she started going through the pages.

It was her personnel jacket.

Everything was in it, from her first days in the APD to the transfer papers to the NYPD.

The report of her gambling problems and the ten vacation days Cragen took away. The undercover operation.

And that agent just read it all? She didn't like it at all, but she didn't want to look like she was affected by it.

"So you can read" she said sarcastically and handed the file back "congratulations"

"I like you" he had a big grin "first I thought you were following Collins for money, I mean" she had a pissed smile and he tried to appease her a bit "think about my point of view, a detective with a gambling problem stalks the house of a business man when there are no charges or investigations about him"

"Come on…" she shook her head.

"Detective" his voice got more serious now "I take it very seriously when someone interferes with an investigation, I'm sure you can relate…"

"And I told you already I have no interest in your investigation" it was only half true now. Yes, at first she didn't really care about it, but after the agent worked hard to find out, well, basically everything about her, she was more than curious.

"That's a shame" he said, putting the file back inside his jacket "because I wanted you to be a part of it"

"No" her answer came so fast he figured she didn't even think about it.

"No?" he asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea, as you _may_ know the last time I was involved in an outside investigation things didn't end very well"

"So you didn't get a confession? Cause I read that…"

"I'm not talking about that" she stopped him. He waited for her to explain but she didn't say anything else.

They were both silent for a while until he figured it out "you're talking about her?"

She nodded slightly, clearly not wanting to elaborate.

Amanda could never feel less guilty about the repercussions of her under cover operation, no matter how many times she, or Murphy back then, said they had no knowledge about the rape, it didn't ease the guilt.

"Ok" he smiled at her "I get it, but It's not the same"

"How is it then?" she asked "who is this guy?"

"I've been running this investigation for a long time, three years to be exact" he gave her one more look before he continued.

"As you already know Collins works in the diamond industry. He was doing alright for some time, he wasn't too successful, but not someone you'd feel bad for. But then something changed, his business picked up, he was making more money.

We found out he was smuggling most of the diamonds, a small part he did keep legal. Somehow he managed to expend the smuggling business. It's not only diamonds now, I know he's bringing in drugs. Maybe other things"

"So where do I come in?" she asked.

"We have reasons to believe Collins is not the leader of this operation" he sighed "and we've been trying for a long time, to find out who it really is"

"No luck?" she asked and he shook his head.

"A dirty cop will go a long way" he looked at her "only if that cop is on our side"

"I've played that part before" she didn't sound excited.

"We think he already has someone in the police department, but if I have someone in his operation…"

"So you offer it to me just like that?" she asked him.

"If I thought you're after money what would make him think you aren't?"

She gave him a questioning look "what would make him think that?"

"You care about his daughter" he replied "the car accident two years ago? The one that killed his wife" she nodded, she read about it in the database "it wasn't an accident, but there was no one to save her though"

Amanda looked out of the window, she thought about Eve Collins, did she know about her mother? Was that what drove her down that road?

Something inside of her changed, she didn't feel as reluctant as earlier, when he offered her to help in his investigation.

"If he already has someone in the department he would know I was undercover before" she said.

"Not if you didn't" she gave him a questioning look and he pulled out the file again "imagine this being done on the computer" he took out few pages and crumpled them "he's not going to know about something that isn't there, and I'm sure the number of people outside your squad who know about it is close to zero"

She shrugged, she really hoped so, it wasn't something she'd been proud of.

"Can you trust your squad?" he asked her.

"Of course" there was no hesitation in her voice "but I doubt my sergeant would like the idea of me doing that"

He gave her a look she couldn't read "your sergeant can't now about this, no one can know about this"

Amanda was taken aback by this. She was already on Benson's bad side, doing something behind her back wouldn't be the smartest idea.

"I made a decision to trust you" he looked into her eyes "even if you refuse..."

"Yeah, I'm not gonna say anything but I can't hide it from the people I work with"

"I get it" he nodded "but this investigation has been my priority for a long time, I can't risk it, I will not do that, you want to help this girl, go ahead and talk to him. But you have an opportunity to help others too, and Collins isn't stupid, he's not going to ask you to get anyone in trouble, he wants to protect his business, so even if he lets you in…everything he asks goes through me, I will give you the information to pass to him and…"

For a moment Amanda stopped listening and her thoughts wandered away, she had a certain attraction to dangerous situations, that's what drove her to be a detective, but that's also what got her into gambling.

She was still struggling sometimes to distinguish between the good kind of danger, the kind that gave her courage. And the other kind, the kind that made her make wrong decisions.

Right now, she wasn't sure which kind it was, but somehow there was one thing she knew, and it was weird, but her instincts told her it was ok, that she could trust him.

She saw him looking at her as if he was waiting for her to say something. So she did.

"I'll do it"


	4. Chapter 4

"I'll do it"

She agreed to this…thing, she wasn't entirely sure what it meant. What she would have to do. What would be the implications.

Amanda couldn't sleep the night before, she had second thoughts and she was feeling very unconfident. Was it the right thing?

But she could help stop Collins' operation, whatever it was. Maybe it would be worth it, maybe she could help.

It wasn't going to be easy. Not like Collins would just happily offer her to work for him. So they came up with a plan. And the next day Amanda was walking towards the house, hoping it would work.

Collins opened the door a few minutes after she'd knocked "can I help you?" he asked, wondering who was the woman standing there.

"Albert Collins?" she asked "I'm detective Rollins" she showed him her badge.

"Can I help you, detective?" he repeated.

"I would like to have a word with you, it's about your daughter" Amanda replied, not taking her eyes off of him.

"Eve?" he asked, she thought she noted a hint of concern in his voice.

"Yes, can I come in?"

He moved so she could walk inside. She looked around, the house was very beautiful.

"Is she here?" Amanda asked him.

"She's in her room" he answered "resting".

"Mr. Collins, just a few days ago I've met your daughter in the park" she said "it was very early in the morning" she stopped talking, wanting to see his reaction "do you know what I'm talking about?"

"Well, I am not sure" he answered "and I would appreciate it if you could get to the point, I am a busy man"

"Of course" she nodded "that day I saw your daughter jump into the river" she tried to keep her voice calm, it was hard, this wasn't how she would have done it if it was up to her, she would have talked to Eve. But there was more to it now, and there was no way back. She just hoped it would work.

"What are you…"

"Let me get to the point, you are a busy man after all" she gave him half a smile "so I jumped into the water to get her out" she took a little break "but imagine my surprise when I went to check on her at the hospital and the doctor told me it was an accident and they let her go"

"Look detective…"

"I am not done yet Mr. Collins" she said "I know what I saw, it was no accident, and I don't think I've mentioned it but I work at the special victims unit, and one of the requirements there is to _care_" she smiled again "caring can be a real hustle sometimes, but what can I say" she shrugged "I do it"

She stopped talking for a moment, looked around a bit, but he didn't say anything and waited for her to continue.

"So this is why I'm here, cause I care"

"And I appreciate that" he said "but there is nothing to worry about, it's all under control"

"I doubt it" she took out something from her jacket "see, another thing when you work at SVU, you end up knowing people in child protective services, and if you give them something like this" she handed him the page she was holding "they deal with it faster than usual".

It was a report about the so called accident, everything was in it, the jumping into the water and the fact it was classified as an accident due to his financials connections with the hospital.

"What is this?" he asked after reading the report, he sounded angrier.

"This is something that can keep your daughter away from you, she will get help, I will make sure of it, but you won't be a part of her life" she explained "they don't appreciate it when parents ignore suicide attempts"

She let him think for a while and then spoke again, her voice getting softer "this is a big deal, Eve needs help, and if you don't get it for her, she might try again. I don't think you want that to happen"

He shook his head a little, read the report again and then looked straight into Amanda's eyes "you are not taking her away" his voice was threatening, but Amanda didn't look away.

"She will take herself away if you don't help her" she said "but I am willing to offer something else" she told him.

He gave her a questioning look but remained silent.

"Here" she said and gave him another page "this is a list of private facilities that can help her, choose one and make sure she's there by tomorrow, or I send this report"

"You shouldn't threaten me, detective"

"It's not a threat" she said "the only threat is on your daughter's life"

"Ok" he said after looking at the list for a while "I'll do it, thank you for bringing this matter to my attention" he said, sounding calmer.

"You have until tomorrow" she started walking towards the door but suddenly turned back to look at him "oh, one more thing" she said, as if she just remembered it "I also want 50K, for keeping this a secret" she placed her card on the little table by the door "call me"

She turned and walked out.

Amanda wasn't feeling better, she met with agent Mason later that night and let him know how it went. He gave her a different phone, with two lines, walking around with two phones would look suspicious, and she had to act as less suspicious as she could.

"What now?" she asked him.

"He's gonna try to find out who you are, hopefully thinking he could use your services" he answered "and if he doesn't call you send the report"

* * *

><p>He did call.<p>

It was a little after 1 PM, he didn't say much, just asked her to meet him at his house later that day. She went to the bathroom and after making sure she was alone she let Mason know.

Now all she could do was wait.

"SVU" Fin answered the phone "yeah, ok, we'll be right there"

"What is it?" She asked him.

"We got a call, let's go" he said, getting up. She followed him after putting on her jacket.

Work kept her busy until it was time to see Collins. She was supposed to go home after that and then meet Mason.

She'd barely knocked on the door when Collins opened it.

"Detective" he greeted her with a smile "come on in"

She smiled back at him and stepped inside.

"Can I offer you anything to drink? Coffee, tea, I have a great bar"

"No thanks" she answered "why don't we talk business"

"Why not" he shrugged "let's sit down" he gestured on the couch.

The couch was probably one of the most comfortable couches she'd ever sat on, a part of her wanted to take it home and just spent the rest of her life lying on it, preferably with Nick by her side. But she knew she had to focus, she shook off the thought of Nick and his arms.

"I owe you a thanks" Collins said, handing her something "I had a very long conversation with my daughter last night, she told me everything, and I need to thank you for saving her life the second time, we chose a place together and as you can see she's at a very good facility"

She looked at the paper he handed her, confirming that Eve Collins entered a treatment program.

"That's good, I'm glad she's getting help" she said honestly.

"And about the other thing" he said "50K, was it?"

Amanda nodded.

"I don't think you can really blackmail me now, not after I made sure she gets the best help possible"

She shrugged "I'm sure I can come up with something" she told him.

"I bet you can" he said "this is why I'm not going to give you the money, at least not all of it. I am willing to pay you if you help me out once in a while, give me some info"

"Is this a job offer?" she asked.

"Call it whatever you want" he looked away for a moment "but I think you should take it, everybody need money, and it's sad how police officers are under paid"

She nodded and smiled, pretending she's thinking about it.

"And I bet you could really use money" he said it with a very insinuating voice, which gave her an uneasy feeling, she knew he was referring to her gambling problem.

So Mason was right, he really does have someone in the NYPD, someone who got him access to her personnel file. And Mason was true to his word, the under cover operation wasn't in it anymore, or else he wouldn't have offered it.

"Well alright then" she said "you have my number, I want to be paid in cash"

"Good" he stood up and she followed, extending her hand for a handshake.

"Pleasure doing business with you" he smiled, shaking her hand.

* * *

><p>"So it's what we've wanted" Mason said.<p>

"I guess" she nodded.

Amanda was sitting in Mason's car, they'd met about an hour after she got to her apartment from Collin's house

"Now we wait again, he asks you for something you let me know, I'm gonna get you the information and you give it to him. Then you give me the money"

"I know" she said.

"What?" he asked, she seemed a bit unsure and he did not need that.

"Nothing" she shook her head a little.

"Detective, from now on we are going to be really close, I need to know everything and I will let you know everything you need to know. So if there's something on your mind tell me"

"You want to know the truth?" she asked without looking at him "I have second thoughts" she shrugged.

Amanda expected him to say something but he just waited for her to talk.

"This feels like more than an undercover operation, doing this without letting my sergeant know…she doesn't trust me too much as it is" she gave him a crooked smile "it feels a little like a gamble, and you know I have a gambling problem"

He didn't say a thing for some time, he just stared straight ahead and Amanda wondered what he's thinking about.

"I get it" he said "if we work together and trust each other there you won't get in trouble with her" he was talking about Benson "keep going to your GA meetings, do what ever you need to so you won't fall down that hole, I'm not gonna let you, this investigation is too important to me to let anything mess it up. This is not a gamble, it is an opportunity to do something important"

They looked at each other "I'll let you know when he calls" she said quietly.

"Good" he nodded "it's gonna be fine" he said, she smiled at him and walked out of the car.

Maybe this was stupid, but she believed him, something inside of her trusted him.

As she made her way back to her apartment she really wanted to call Nick, earlier she shoved the thoughts about him away, but she missed him now.

But she couldn't call him now, as she got a phone call. It was Collins.

* * *

><p><em>Thank you for your reviews. <em>

_I have to say this story is kind of out of my comfort zone and I hope it's gonna be good. _

_And of course we will have a Rollaro story line, but you're gonna have to be patient : ) _


	5. Chapter 5

It was Collins.

He wanted to see her.

Amanda called agent Mason to let him know and he reminded her about how it would work – whatever information Collins asks for – she gets through Mason.

Amanda didn't have a problem with that, it would probably be best, less attention would be drawn to her. She didn't want anybody in her squad to be suspicious of her. But how long could she keep it up? Yes, Amanda didn't have to show up early to look for information, and she only met with Mason after hours and rarely anywhere near the precinct. Still, she had a feeling Fin was sensing something has been different.

The things he asked for were simple enough, locations, information about patrols. Mason assured her he has never killed anyone, he was always trying to stay under the radar and a murder, especially of a police officer, would lead to the opposite.

"What do you think he's planning?" she asked him one evening. They were sitting in his car, he'd picked her up not long ago to give her an envelope with more details for Collins.

"I'm not sure" he replied "maybe he's planning something or maybe he's testing you"

She rolled her eyes a bit, not looking at him.

"You're passing it" Mason smiled "everything will check out, hopefully he's gonna have other things for you soon"

"What kind of things?" she turned to look at him.

"Maybe he'd want you to take something somewhere, or bring him something" he gestured at the envelope in her hand "more incriminating than this"

"Well he's been asking a lot lately"

"That must mean he's planning something" In the last week he called almost everyday, Mason has been hoping the requests would include names, phone numbers, so they could find accomplices, but no such luck.

"Listen" she wanted to share her concern about Fin "I think my partner suspect something"

"Did he say anything?"

"No" she shook her head "but this week I've been so busy, meeting with you and Collins, that I blew him off a couple of times"

"And that worries him?" he asked.

"With my track record" she shrugged, Fin didn't say anything yet, but every time he offered her to join him for a beer she said some other time. And the last time, which was earlier this evening, it was written all over his face, he knew something was up, but then Nick asked if it'd be ok for him to join and Fin accepted.

"We'll figure something out" Mason reassured her.

"We gonna have too"

"Listen Rollins, you're doing a good job, you're not gonna get in trouble for it" he tried to convince her.

"I know I agreed to help, and I want to" she said "but I also have to do my job, ok? And I need my partner to be able to trust me, and I'm scared he, and my squad won't be able to do that if they find out"

"Which they are not going to" Mason reminded her "we will do everything right and catch Collins and who ever is above him"

"Alright" she said half heartedly "I've got to go" he nodded and she walked out of the car.

* * *

><p>Collins called her again the next morning. She told him to call her in certain hours, so no one would suspect anything, Collins liked that idea.<p>

Usually he called her early in the morning, asking her to come by.

This time she had the information he requested the previous time he'd called, but he said he needs something else as well. She drove to his house and walked in through a back door.

"Detective" he smiled at her, letting her walk into the house "how are you doing?"

"Not bad" she returned the smile "how's Eve?"

"She is doing much better" he replied, walking to the kitchen "I was there yesterday and she's getting better"

"That's good to know" she nodded, Amanda was genuinely happy the girl was making progress.

"Got something for me?" he looked at her and she handed him the envelope "good" he placed it on the counter.

"I trust you got me something in return"

"Don't worry" he took something out of is pocket and gave it to Amanda. He always had this weird look when he'd hand her the money. This tiny nasty smile, she could read it pretty easily, and hated it's meaning. He was smiling because he believed she would be back, like he was feeding her addiction, he thought she would lose the money and would have to come back to get more.

But it actually made Amanda work harder.

He didn't own her.

"I've been working you hard lately" he smiled at her again "hope you don't mind"

She lifted the envelope with the money "not at all" she opened it so she could count it.

"Great, because I need something else" he handed her a list "I need the DMV records for these cars"

"Anything in particular?" she looked at the list, it wasn't long, only five cars were listed.

"Everything they've got" he answered "you've got access, right?'

"Sure, I can print you the records"

"Good, I will call you in a few days and we'll meet" he walked her to the door.

* * *

><p>She called Mason on her way to work and they planned to meet later that night.<p>

"Morning" she greeted Fin, who was already at his desk.

"You should have joined us last night" he said "hey Amaro" he called Nick.

"Yeah?" Nick looked at them.

"Why don't you tell Rollins how I humiliated you at the bar last night" he grinned at him.

"I'd love to hear that" she said with a smile, sitting down on her chair.

"I'd rather not share that story with everyone" Nick looked back at the papers that were on his desk.

"We were playing darts and the man lost, it was painful" Fin laughed and Nick shook his head.

Amanda looked at him, he was smiling a little and Amanda loved that smile, it usually came with a spark in his eyes and it was there now.

He must have felt her looking at him because he glanced at her for half a second and she quickly looked away.

"Why won't we have a rematch" Fin suggested "you have to go" he was talking to Amanda.

"Oh…I've got something" she smiled at him, trying to look like everything was as usual.

"You've been having a lot of _some things_ lately" he mentioned, and from the corner of her eye she saw Nick looking her way again.

She smiled at him but didn't say anything.

They didn't have much time to talk about it anyway, as they had a new case.

Fin Amanda got back from the hospital after talking to the victim.

"How did it go" Olivia asked.

"The poor girl" Amanda shrugged "perp really did a number on her"

"He runs her over, takes her into his car and rapes her" Fin elaborated.

"The perp hit her with his car?" Nick joined in.

"Yeah" Amanda looked at him "the doctor said she was lucky there wasn't a lot of damage from the impact"

"And when did it happen?"

"Last night, after hitting her he got her into the car and drove a little to some alley, he raped her there and left her there too" Amanda explained.

"Anything on the car?" Nick looked at her.

"She thinks it's white" she shrugged.

"But we should go find the crime scene, she said that she felt very weak and couldn't get up, so she stayed there till morning" Fin told them "but when she woke up she started walking until somebody saw her and called a bus"

"This is where he hit her" Amanda got up and showed them on the map "we could go canvass the area, she said the drive was short, maybe we'd find the crime scene"

"You and Fin do that" Olivia nodded "Amaro go with them"

* * *

><p>They managed to find it after a long time. But it sure looked like a crime scene, there was blood and track marks, as if someone drove away very fast. They called CSU and got back to the station a little later.<p>

"I found two sex offenders in the area" Nick let them know "neither owns a white car"

"Check them out anyway" Olivia told him "the fact he used a car doesn't mean he owns it"

The tried to find footage from a few security cameras in the area, but they got nothing. When Nick got back it was getting pretty late and Amanda realized she was going to be late for her meeting with the agent.

She walked into the bathroom and called him after making sure it was empty.

"I don't know when I'll be done, we're working on something"

"Ok" he said "I'll be in the area, call me when you're done"

"You're gonna wait?" she asked.

"We have to meet tonight so I can get whatever he wants"

"Well I…" another officer walked into the bathroom so she had to hang up "I'll call you" she said.

* * *

><p>They'd been working on theories for almost an hour when Olivia decided it was enough "go home" she said "we're getting nowhere"<p>

"Thanks" Fin said and turned to Amanda, who took her things "what about that beer, ha?"

"Rain check?" she smiled at him.

"I'm beginning to think you don't want to hang out with me, come on, let's go play some darts, I'll give Amaro a head start " he grinned at Nick.

"Another time" her voice was apologetic, she already had all her things and started walking to the elevator.

Once the doors closed she called Mason, who said he was close to the station, he told her where she should wait for him.

She took a deep breath when she walked out of the building. She hated lying to Fin, and the lies were bad, he was defiantly suspecting something.

"Amanda" she turned around, it was him.

"Fin" she smiled "I'm really sorry to ditch you but…"

"Look Amanda" he was serious "I don't want to snoop, but is everything alright, you've been a bit off, like you're somewhere else"

"I…" she tried to think of something when all of the sudden somebody called her, it was Mason.

"Amanda, honey" he walked over to them "we've got to go, we have reservations"

Fin looked at her with a questioning look, she turned to Mason, trying to keep her expression under control.

Mason just smiled at Fin "are you Amanda's partner?" he asked him and Fin nodded "Nice to meet you, Phil Parker" he extended his hand and Fin shook it.

"Fin Tutuola" he introduced him self.

"Amanda had told me a lot about you" Mason said.

"She didn't tell me a thing about you" Fin looked at him and then at Amanda who was standing there, trying to look as if everything was fine.

"Oh hon" Mason looked at her "I though you've told you coworkers"

"Told us what?" Fin asked.

"Amanda and I are together" he put her arm around her shoulder and she smiled at Fin, looks like they had a plan.

"So you're the one keeping her away from us lately?"

"Guilty" he nodded "but I'm gonna make it up to you, why don't we all go out together tomorrow, I'm buying"

"Oh I'm sure…" Amanda tried to protest.

"I'm in" Fin said happily "have a good night, enjoy your reservation"

"We will, nice to meet you" Mason waved at Fin as he walked away.

"Seriously?" Amanda asked him.

"I was on my way when I saw you talking to him" he explained "having a boyfriend is a big distraction, they won't be suspicious of anything after tomorrow"

"Tomorrow's the problem, you didn't have to suggest that, this thing now would have been enough" she gave him a stern look and got into the car.

She gave him the list and explained what Collins asked.

Amanda knew this wasn't a bad cover, but it still bothered her. And she hated the reason it did, it bothered her because the only boyfriend she did want was Nick. Why couldn't she let it go?

* * *

><p><em>Spoiler for the next chapter: Nick is going to join this outing and it is going to be awkward...<em>

_Let me know what you think. _


	6. Chapter 6

_Thank you for your reviews. Glad you're enjoying this. _

* * *

><p>Why couldn't she let it go?<p>

Amanda didn't know this, but Nick wasn't content about the situation with her either. The last months were not easy on him, with so many changes in his life. He had to figure things out.

But as time passed he accepted his role in everything, he went to the anger management meetings and tried to be on his best behavior. And he got back to SVU, which was what he'd wanted.

But Amanda, she was confusing to him.

He couldn't understand what he'd been feeling. He enjoyed spending time with her, but they were not supposed to be spending time _like that_.

He tried to ignore what he felt, and in a way it worked, when he was demoted he was focused on work and he rarely thought about Amanda, only when he was alone at his house, lying in bed trying to fall asleep, he remembered how it felt to have her breath on his skin and…

Who was he kidding? He was rarely _not_ thinking about her.

He wasn't sure how to act around her once he was back, he wasn't sure what he wanted. They couldn't exactly be a couple, that was not allowed. But he didn't want to just sleep with her, which was also not allowed.

He couldn't figure it out, and she wasn't saying anything. They ended up barely talking, which was worst. But maybe they could try again?

Try to be something, cause he missed her.

* * *

><p>Amanda wasn't thrilled to walk into the squad room the next morning. She knew very well Fin would question her about what he'd learnt the previous night. But she was the first one to arrive, so at least she had a few minutes before she had to face Fin's queries.<p>

* * *

><p>"Morning Fin" Nick caught him by the elevator.<p>

"How's it going?" Fin smiled and Nick nodded as a response. They waited for the elevator to reach their floor when Fin decided to share the news about Rollins with him.

"Listen to this" he lowered his voice, making sure no one was near by, he didn't want everyone at the station to find out "last night I talked to Rollins, to make sure she's alright and turns out she's got a guy"

Nick though maybe he'd heard wrong "she's got a what?"

"She's seeing someone, we've been talking and then this dude shows up, calls her _honey_ and says they had reservations" Fin grinned and walked into the elevator.

"Oh really?" that was all Nick managed to utter. Even that wasn't easy, Amanda was really seeing someone? Why should he be surprised? Amanda is a smart, funny and beautiful woman, any man would be lucky to have her. He already disliked him, did it mean they couldn't try again? He lost her?

"Amaro, you listening?" Nick heard Fin's voice, he must have asked something.

"Sorry, what?"

"This guy, Phil, I think, asked me to join them today, you want to go with us? He's buying and we get to embarrass Rollins" he said the last part with a smile.

"Yeah, I'll go with you" Nick knew it was probably a bad idea, he already didn't like him, and he hadn't even met him. But he couldn't fight the curiosity.

"It is going to be fun" the doors opened and they stepped out of the elevator.

Fin was about to throw a comment to Amanda but she was on the phone "yeah, thank you" she said and hung up "CSU didn't have anything on the tracks we found in the alley" she let them know "but if we find the car they could match them"

"So all we've got left to do is find the car" Nick's voice was sarcastic.

"Maybe we should go talk to the vic again" Fin suggested "see if she remembers anything else"

A phone rang and Amanda answered "SVU…yeah…ok, we'll be right there" Nick and Fin gave her a questioning look "we got another vic"

* * *

><p>This time Olivia and Nick drove to the hospital to hear what had happened to the girl. It was almost identical to the other victim's story. A car hit her, she was dragged inside, and raped after the car was driven into an alley.<p>

But the detectives didn't have to look for the scene this time, since she was found there by a dog walker.

"Track marks" Amanda pointed at them, one of the CSU guys took pictures of it.

"That was Amaro" Fin put his phone back into his pocket "the girl remembers a white car, nothing else about it, can't give a description of the perp"

"This is bad" she said quietly "he's not waiting between assaults"

"We're done here, let's go back to the precinct"

Fin and Amanda met with Nick and Liv in the squad room.

"The media's already all over this" Benson told them "and 1PP already called"

"I'm gonna try to find security cameras in the area, maybe we'd get lucky" Amanda shrugged.

"Hopefully" Olivia agreed.

"Maybe I should go talk to the first vic" Fin suggested.

"I'm gonna go with you" Liv nodded, maybe if they talk to her again she remembers more "Nick, go through the witness statements, evidence, maybe we've missed something"

Nick nodded.

* * *

><p>"Anything?" Nick asked Amanda. Fin and Liv were still at the hospital talking to the first victim. Nick couldn't find anything new.<p>

"No" Amanda answered, without looking away from the computer "nothing close enough to that alley, and there are so many white cars on the footage there is no way we can use it"

"Damn it" he muttered.

She turned to look at him and their eyes met for a brief moment. They both turned their heads away, feeling a jolt of electricity.

Nick walked back to his desk, maybe he just imagined it, but it felt as if there was something in her eyes. He looked at her again, she was focused on the computer.

"Hey" he saw Fin and Liv walk into the room "did she say anything else?"

"No" Fin shook his head "nothing else"

"You got something?" Benson asked.

"No, Rollins got nothing of the security cameras" he let them know.

Amanda's phone rang and she answered.

"Anything?" Liv asked when she walked to them.

"The marks in both alleys match" she told them "still doesn't help us"

"Let's try to think who's this guy, theories?" she asked.

"Well, he hits them with the car, wants them to be helpless, but no serious damage from the impact itself, maybe he can't get control over them any other way" Amanda walked to her desk "the car is his weapon"

"So why isn't he using a knife or a gun?" Fin asked.

"Maybe he doesn't think it would be enough" Amanda tried "maybe he feels he's too weak"

"The victims" Nick pointed at their pictures "they are in shape, so maybe this is his way to make sure he can control them"

"So we have a perp who's weak so…" Fin said.

"So he's probably tried something before" Amanda said.

"Rollins is right" Olivia nodded "check any open case in the area, anything at all"

"On it" Nick nodded.

"Maybe we should have gone through all the white cars" Fin looked at the number of cases they had.

"Let's just hope we have something" Amanda shrugged.

* * *

><p>It's been a few hours since they've started going through everything, and they still weren't done.<p>

"I know we have a lot guys" Olivia said "but we gonna have to continue tomorrow"

"You sure sergeant?" Amanda asked.

"We gonna have to go talk to some of these people, continue tomorrow" Olivia nodded "I think rest will do us good"

"Thanks Liv" Fin smiled "we'll be here bright and early and catch this SOB"

Olivia walked back to her office, she wanted to go home to see Noah.

"Well I'm gonna go home" Amanda stood up "I could use some sleep"

"Wait a second" Fin stopped her "I know we've got a job to do, and we will be focused tomorrow, but we had plans and I'd hate to give them up"

"Really?" Amanda rolled her eyes a little.

"Amanda" Fin said seriously "we need to unwind, and I need to meet this Phil, what do you say Nick?"

Nick just glanced at him and smiled.

"See?" Fin grinned "Amaro agrees, he's coming with us"

That was the last thing Amanda needed, Nick was going too? She would just try to act normal, Mason seemed good at pretending to be Phil Parker, so maybe it would go smoothly and Fin will let it go.

"Ok" she gave up "I'll call him"

* * *

><p>They met up at a bar, Fin and Nick didn't know it, but Amanda met Mason close by one time.<p>

"Hey hon" he smiled when he saw them approach.

"Hey" she gave him a quick kiss on his cheek "how's it going?"

"I'm glad you could make it" he smiled at them "Fin, right?" he shook Fin's hand.

"Nick Amaro" Nick introduced himself and shook Phil's hand too.

"Nick, nice to meet you, I got us a booth, come on"

They all followed him into the bar. Nick though he seemed pretty excited, he looked in his mid to late thirties, his hair was light brown and his eyes were brown. He led them to a corner booth.

"What can I get you?" he asked "beers?"

"Yeah man, a round of beers sounds nice" Fin smiled.

"Coming right up" he walked to the bartender and got back pretty fast carrying four beers.

"Thank you" Nick smiled and took a sip of his beer.

"So what do you so Phil?" Fin asked, he was curious about him.

"I'm in software engineering, I just started working in this small start up company"

"That sounds interesting" Fin nodded.

"It's not bad, not as interesting as your job though, I bet you have some interesting stories" he suddenly gave an apologetic look to Amanda "I am so sorry, didn't meant to say that"

For a moment Amanda wasn't sure to what he was referring to, but then it hit her "it's ok, really" she smiled at him.

Fin and Nick exchanged a look, it didn't go unnoticed by Amanda, she knew Mason didn't miss it too.

"I'm really trying not to use these words" he said quietly.

"Phil, it's ok" Amanda sounded as if she tried to reassure him, but she only wanted him to stop talking about that.

"So you know about…" Nick was surprised, how long were they seeing each other that he was afraid to use the word _bet_ around her.

"Amanda and I have no secrets from one another" he looked at her, she smiled back at him, trying very hard to control her facial expression "secrets just ruin relationships and we both had relationships ruined by that and…"

"They don't need to hear about that" Amanda tried to stop him.

"Oh, sorry I'm rumbling" he apologized "you guys are like Amanda's family so I'm trying to make a good impression"

"Don't worry about it man" Fin laughed.

They went on talking about different things. Nick tried to pay attention, but once in a while Phil would glance at Amanda, or smile at her. It made Nick wonder if they really had no secrets between them, did Phil know about Amanda and him? About her family?

What if he did? What if she felt safe enough with him, safe enough to tell him everything. Soon enough his bottle was empty and he felt uncomfortable playing with it.

He lost focus on the conversation but tried to listen in again, they've been talking about a trip Phil took a couple of years ago.

"And the ocean" he said "I am telling you Fin, it was amazing, such a pure blue color" he smiled, looking at Amanda "but you know what" he put his hand on Amanda's "it fails in comparison to Amanda's eyes"

Nick tried not to make a sound, to keep his eyes away from Amanda's, he glanced at Fin who had a huge grin on his face, but then decided he just had to get up, he couldn't hear that guy say another word about her.

"I'm gonna get another drink" he got up quickly, not asking anybody if they wanted something as well.

Amanda gave Mason a little kick, hoping Fin won't notice, she had a hard time not rolling her eyes at his comment. She didn't even look at Nick until he decided to get a drink.

"You want another one, hon?" Mason asked Amanda.

"No thanks, we have a lot of work tomorrow" she told him, hoping he would get the message this night had to be over soon.

"How about you?" he asked Fin "you can't leave already"

"No way, I can stay for a while"

Nick watched them from the bar, Phil seemed like a nice guy, he didn't seem like a creep. But still, Nick didn't like him, he didn't like the fact that Amanda liked him, if she told him private things, like her gambling problem…maybe it's serious?

He took a sip from the bottle the bartender handed him. The three of them got up, Phil let her walk in front of him. They were going to play darts.

"Thank you for joining us" Fin smiled at him.

"Sorry" Nick looked down for a second.

"What do you say?" Phil turned to them "Amanda and I are against you two"

"No way" Fin shook his head "last time Amaro here totally sucked"

"So you team up with Amanda" Phil offered "don't worry Nick" he turned to him "I'm pretty good"

"So am I" Nick smiled "lost that one time" he added "not gonna make the same mistake again" he glanced at Amanda, wondering if she caught the double meaning, but she didn't notice since Fin was distracting her.

"Ok" Phil smiled "just reminding you that this is a friendly game" he took the darts and handed them to Amanda.

"Remember that when you lose" she took the darts from him.

Nick knew Amanda was good, she was always a good shooter, had a great aim. He wasn't surprised when she hit the inner or outer Bullseye in every attempt. Fin and Nick were good too, but there was no doubt Amanda was better.

"Not bad" Fin said after he was done, he got one Outer Bullseye and the others hit somewhere in the Triple ring.

"Go ahead" Nick wanted Phil to go first.

"Alright" he took the darts "I'm warning you though" he looked at Fin "I've got one of this in my office so I got a lot of practice" he gave Amanda a sweet smile and she smiled back.

"Do you work sometimes, or just practice?" Nick asked, Phil was just as good as Amanda and Nick failed to hide his surprise.

Phil just laughed in response and Nick avoided Amanda's eyes so he missed the look she gave him.

"We should go" she said "we have a lot to do tomorrow" she gave Fin a stern look, it seemed as if he was having fun and didn't mind staying.

"You're right" Nick really wanted to leave, this was getting more and more uncomfortable to him. Seeing Amanda smile at this guy, and Phil talk to her. He knew he was jealous, but suddenly it felt more than that, he felt hurt by it.

The green eyes monster has always been one of Nick's worst attributes, and with what he'd learnt in anger management he has been trying to control it. But it wasn't easy.

"Let's just finish the round" Phil suggested, handing the darts to Nick. He moved away and walked towards Amanda, Nick looked at them, Phil whispered something in her ear.

Nick threw the darts, not really trying, just wanted it to be over "looks like you win" he looked at Fin, trying to sound cool.

"Maybe you should get one of this too" Fin suggested "to practice"

Nick chuckled "well this was fun" he said.

"Yeah it was" Amanda agreed very halfheartedly "but we have to go"

"It was nice to meet you" Fin said "see you tomorrow"

"Yeah, bye" Nick smiled and walked towards the exit. He waited on the corner of the street and saw Fin walk away and Amanda and Phil go towards what must have been his car. He opened the door for her and Nick watched her get inside.

So Amanda moved on, why wouldn't she? He messed up things between them. Maybe Phil would make her happy?

Maybe he should let her go?


	7. Chapter 7

_Thank you for your reviews. _

_I'm not sure I'm going to write a longer fic about what happened in Atlanta, I wrote a one shot about it and I don't have any other ideas right now. _

* * *

><p>Maybe he should let her go?<p>

Nick turned to walk away, he hated the way he felt, the pain in his heart. Yeah, he should let her go, let her be happy with this guy. But could he do that? Because he really didn't want to.

* * *

><p>"This is never going to happen again" Amanda said once Mason was inside the car.<p>

"You didn't have fun?" he asked and she rolled her eyes at him "this is for you" he handed her the envelope.

"The DMV records?" she looked at it.

"Yeah, again, nothing that really helps us, but hopefully he's going to use these cars for something"

"Hopefully" she said "I'll let you know when he calls"

"Probably gonna be a while, need a ride?" she nodded.

"A while?" Amanda asked.

"Collins is in the Hamptons" he let her know.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, he's got a house there" he looked at her.

"That's a real surprise" she chuckled "how many properties does he own?"

"He's got the house in the city and the one there, he's hiding most of the money so I'm still working on tracing it"

"I thought you've been working on this for three years"

"I have, but there were complications" it didn't look like he was going to elaborate.

"Complications?" Amanda wasn't going to let it go "you don't think I should know about any complications?"

"It has nothing to do with your part" he said.

"Really?" she frowned "so you are telling me that for three years you made barely any progress and you are not going to tell me why?"

"I made enough progress" he countered "and those complications are gone"

"Gone?" she raised her eyebrows "so it's a person?"

He didn't say anything but then nodded "we had a problem with someone on the inside, an agent"

"Ok" she wanted to say he should have been honest with her from the start, but she would wait with that conversation.

"It happens" Mason shrugged "they were on to him and offered money so he took it. Ended up ruining the whole operation. I wasn't the lead back then, but after the whole fiasco my boss thought he'd have to stop the whole investigation" he took a moment "but he didn't, he put me in charge, but I had to work mostly alone, so yeah" he nodded "it's going pretty slow, and it might take some time for us to break up" he smiled at her "but I'm going to get him"

"You could have just told me from the start" she told him "I though there are no secrets between us"

He chuckled "I think your co workers will not suspect anything now"

"Maybe" she shrugged, she would find out tomorrow.

"I do trust you" he said after a moment of silence, she turned to look at him "I really do"

They were close to her apartment now "so do I" Amanda nodded "just don't hide things from me, tell me everything, you know who's his inside man in the NYPD, but you didn't even tell me his name, because, as you said before, it wasn't important for me to know" she was referring to a conversation they had in the beginning of this whole thing.

"Roger Dives" he answered straight away "you don't know him, he's not even in your precinct"

"Doesn't matter" she shook her head "you tell me the truth and I'll do the same"

He stopped the car not too close to her building "ok" Mason agreed.

She stepped out and watched him drive off. Even though Amanda trusted Mason she still had a feeling he was hiding something. She wasn't completely honest herself, only difference being she wasn't honest about Nick, which had nothing to do with the investigation and Mason had no need to know about it.

Whatever he was hiding, Amanda was pretty sure involved Collins.

* * *

><p>"Well aren't those the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen?" Fin smiled when he saw Amanda walking to her desk.<p>

She was certain he'd make some comments about last night, so she just took it with a smile. Nick was also there, sitting at his desk, he nodded at her and she gave him a little smile.

Fin kept on talking "I just have one request, or an offer maybe"

"Yeah? What would that be?" she asked him.

"Can I please walk you down the aisle?" Fin was about to burst out into laughter.

"I was hoping you'd be my maid of honor" she countered with a smile.

"That's cool" Fin agreed "I'll throw you a bachelorette party you'd never forget" Amanda just smiled in response.

"You two done making plans?" Nick tried to add a mocking tone to his voice, he knew they were just joking, but it stung "we've got work to do"

"Maybe Amaro could recommend a priest" Fin suggested "I'm done, promise" he said when Amanda gave him a stern look.

They had to focus on the case.

The detectives were going through the files, trying to find a suspect. They focused on assaults and attempted rapes but got nothing. A couple of times they went out to check on leads, but it didn't lead anywhere.

"Maybe we're looking at this wrong" Amanda said when Fin and she got back "I mean, if this guy uses his car as a weapon because he thinks he's too weak then maybe he wouldn't start with something as violent"

"So we should look into other felonies? No rape or assaults?" Fin asked.

"I don't know" Amanda shrugged "I guess it's that or wait for another victim"

"I don't want to wait" Nick took another file and they kept on working.

* * *

><p>"Ok" Amanda said after a while "I got something, the charges were dropped but the guy has a white car, I checked the DMV's database"<p>

"What was he charged with?" Fin asked.

"Peeping" she answered "says here he was looking inside his neighbor's window"

"So he went from peeping to raping, that's stretching it" Nick said.

"Rollins Amaro, go talk to him anyway" Liv told them "we better check everything"

"Ok" Nick got up and took his jacket.

* * *

><p>"You really think he's our suspect?" Nick asked her when they were in the car, he tried talking about the case to keep the drive as less awkward as possible.<p>

"Honestly" she looked at him "we're grasping at straws, but there's nothing else we can do"

"Yeah" Nick agreed.

They reached the building and Nick parked the car and they walked inside.

Donald Gerrs was a thirty one years old man, according to the information they had he was working in customer service at a phone company. A few months ago a complaint was made by his neighbor who accused him of looking at her in the shower.

Nick knocked on the door and they waited for him to open it.

"Yes?" the door was opened just a crack.

"Mr. Gerrs?" Amanda asked "we are from the NYPD, can we have a word?"

It took him a moment but he let them walk in.

"Detectives Amaro and Rollins" Nick said.

"How can I help?" he closed the door and they looked at him. Donald was wearing a nice suit, not a single hair out of place, but he looked uncomfortable, it looked as if he was trying too hard.

"We've got a couple of questions for you Mr. Gerrs" Amanda moved a little closer to him.

He was shorter than her, and neither Nick nor Amanda missed the tiny flinch in his body when she made that move.

"Of course" he nodded "what is it?"

"We understand that a complaint had been made a few months ago…" Nick started.

"That was all a misunderstanding" he interrupted.

"A misunderstanding?" Nick asked "so you weren't looking into your neighbor's bathroom?"

"I can, I can explain that" he smiled, Amanda took another step closer to him "if you could just follow me"

He turned to walk to another room and the two detectives exchanged a quick look but followed him.

"It was just a mistake" Donald was standing in front of a door that had a 'bathroom' sign on it. He opened the door and gestured inside, so they would walk in.

"You see" he started explaining "this was not my fault, the way the window is built I can see straight inside that apartment" they followed him into the bathroom "as I explained to the cops before, I didn't meant to do that and as you can see the problem is solved" he touched the dark blue curtain.

Amanda walked over to the window and moved the curtain a little. He wasn't lying about the way the window was built, you could see straight into the other room. It was empty now, but with the lights on, someone could definitely see everything that was happening there.

"As you can see" he turned to Nick "this was all a misunderstanding and that's why the charges were dropped"

Nick raised his eyebrows a little "we know that" he looked at Amanda "but there have been some complaints, and we are checking them out"

Nick made his way out of that bathroom.

"Complaints against me?" Donald followed him "I swear I've done nothing"

"Ok, can you tell us where you've been the last couple of nights?" Amanda walked over to Donald again.

"Here, asleep" Donald backed away.

"Anyone was here with you?" Amanda asked.

"No, I was alone" he smiled apologetically "I need to be at work soon, if you don't mind"

"Thank you Mr. Gerrs" Nick said.

"Yes, thank you very much" Amanda smiled.

They walked out of the apartment.

"What do you think?" Nick asked "he seems a bit off"

"Yeah" she agreed "but that doesn't mean anything"

"Back to the station then?"

"Let's check out his car, if he's parked outside we can take a look" Amanda suggested, she thought Donald was kinda creepy, he seemed somewhat uncomfortable around her, they had nothing to lose.

They walked around the building and located the car pretty quickly, luckily it was parked on the other side, which was hidden from Donald's apartment so he couldn't see them next to it.

"Look at this" she said and Nick turned to her "looks like a small bump in the car" she looked at him.

"Yeah" he looked closer "you think that's enough for a warrant?"

"I doubt it, but…" Amanda looked around, as if she was searching for something. It looked like she found whatever it was because she walked towards a trash can and Nick watched as she put on gloves and took something out of it.

He gave her a confused look as she returned "there's still some paint in it" she showed him the can "and if it somehow accidentally spilled on the road…" she raised her eyebrows and smiled at him.

"Accidentally…" he repeated and watched as she spilled the liquid under the wheels.

"Now we just have to wait for him to drive to work"

They didn't have to wait long, Donald showed up about fifteen minutes later, he didn't notice the paint on the road and drove away. Leaving track marks.

"I'll call Liv" Nick let her know and she walked out of the car to take pictures with her phone. Amanda got back to the car when she was done and Nick let her know CSU were on their way.

"You think it's him?" he asked, she shrugged and was about to say something when her phone buzzed, she looked at it and gave Nick a little smile.

"I have to take this" she let him know before stepping out of the car.

Nick watched her as she spoke to whoever called her. She was standing with her back to him so he couldn't see her face. Nick wondered if it was that guy, Phil.

He tried to read her body language, but it was hard for him, she was just standing there, one hand on her waist. After a short time she hung up and put the phone back in her pocket. She stayed there for a moment before turning back and walking to his car.

Amanda sat down without saying anything and Nick didn't ask. Her eyes were blankly staring at the turned off air conditioner. Nick looked at her fingers, they were tapping in a slow rhythm by the window.

It seemed like there was something on her mind, she didn't even notice Nick was looking at her. He wondered what was going on in her head. She took a deep breath and let it out.

Nick moved his arm and it grazed hers. He felt it again, that electric jolt he'd felt before. He let out a chuckle, thinking that maybe it was just static electricity between them. She turned to look at him, his chuckle bringing her back from wherever her mind was.

The second her blue eyes met his he knew it was more than just a physical phenomenon, at least for him it was much more than that.

He couldn't keep his eyes away from hers, and then, as if his body had a mind of it's own he moved towards her, looked deep into her eyes.

And then he kissed her.

* * *

><p><em>Coming up next: more about Amanda's phone call, more about the case and of course this kiss…<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_Hope you weren't expecting a smooth ride for Rollaro in this fic :-)_

* * *

><p>He kissed her.<p>

Amanda couldn't help but get lost in that kiss, in the incredible feeling of his mouth on hers, the way his tongue swept over her lips, requesting permission to meet her tongue. It was as if they were in a different world, where only the two of them existed, where nothing mattered. She wasn't even thinking, just feeling.

And it felt good.

But it wasn't right, and both of them pulled away at the same time. Both breathing a little heavily.

Amanda's eyes looked a little frightened and Nick felt so guilty for doing that "I am so sorry" his voice was strained.

She looked away for a moment, rubbing her face before turning back to look at him "what are you doing? What were you thinking?"

"I…I'm…" he couldn't find the words.

"I'll wait outside" she opened the door and left the car. But not even a second later she sat back down again and Nick wasn't sure if everything was ok, maybe Donald came back?

But his eyes caught hers and he realized it wasn't the case, no, she was in the car for an entirely different reason.

"What the hell were you thinking?" even though it was a question it was clear she wasn't looking for a reply "seriously? You thought it was a good idea? Is this a game for you? Am I a game? After all this time you've been pretending nothing had happened between us and you do this? What do you want from me? I though we had something good going, I didn't ask for anything more than what we had, but I figured you weren't interested anymore and that's cool, maybe telling me about it would have been the decent thing to do, but fine, I get it. And now this? Here? Now? What are you thinking Nick? I don't even care, just forget about it" her voice got softer at the end and when she was done she walked out of the car and this time stayed out until CSU showed up.

It felt good to tell him all of that, let out the feelings she'd been keeping inside. Because it was true, even if she didn't say the exact words he did hurt her, it would have been better if he just kept on ignoring her so she would move on. But no, he had to freaking kiss her and she had to like it. She had to want more of it.

But she can't do this to herself.

Nick looked at her standing on the sidewalk. He cursed himself for kissing her, she was right, why would he do that? She asked why now? Maybe she thought he did this because she was with Phil, and the truth was he seemed like a nice guy, and Amanda deserved a good guy. Nick just wished it could have been him.

They were both relieved when CSU finally showed up. They processed the tracks and promised to put a rush on the results.

"We should get back to the station" he told her.

"Yeah" she nodded "but I'm gonna get there later, just tell Benson I went out for an early lunch"

Nick looked at her with a mix of guilt and concern, but it was entirely his fault "you want me to drive you anywhere?"

"No, I'm ok" she shook her head.

"Alright then" Nick walked back to the car and looked at her again before driving away.

* * *

><p>"We need to talk" Amanda called Mason, he picked up right away.<p>

"Is everything alright?" he asked her.

"Everything's great, that's why I'm calling you in the middle of the day, while I'm supposed to be at work" she sounded pissed and it worried Mason "maybe I just miss Phil, you know?"

"Something's wrong with that cover story?" he was a little worried now, last thing they needed was her squad asking questions, it seemed to go smoothly last night, but maybe he was wrong.

"That's fine, I'm sorry I sound so…" she didn't feel like finishing the sentence "but we've got to talk now, come pick me up" she gave him the address and he promised to be there as soon as possible.

* * *

><p>Amanda waited for Mason on the corner of Donald's street.<p>

"I'm sorry I was pissed on the phone" Amanda apologized once she sat down "it's just this case we're working on"

"Don't worry about it" he smiled "what's going on?"

"I got a call from our dear friend, Collins, the one you said wasn't going to call for a while"

"You're kidding" Mason was genuinely surprised.

"I am not, he wants me to be there tomorrow, he has a job for me"

"That's great news" he sounded somewhat excited "this means he trusts you"

"Or he wants to get rid of me" she looked away "how can we be sure he's not onto something"

Mason looked at her for a moment "obviously we can't be a hundred percent sure of that" Amanda rolled her eyes at him.

"What did you tell him?" he asked her.

"I can't just get up and leave, we're in the middle of a big case, how would it look if I just walk into my sergeant's office and ask for some time off"

"You're right" Mason tried to think of something, this was too good of an opportunity, but she also had to focus on work.

"Listen" Amanda started "I need to get back to work, I said I took an early lunch break, I will call you if I think of something, I told Collins I would try to make it"

"We have to think of something, this" he looked at her "this could be big, it could really change everything"

"I get it" she wanted it to work out, if this leads to something she would be done, things would be back to normal, most things anyway "I will see what I can do" she promised.

"Good" Mason nodded "we never had anyone in that house, so this could be the beginning of the end"

"I know" what Amanda really wanted to ask was if he meant the good or the bad end, because both options were wide open.

* * *

><p>Mason drove her close enough to the station. And Amanda walked the rest of the way. She expected someone to say something about her early lunch but nobody mentioned it. Nick wasn't at his desk and Amanda was happy about it, she had no will to face him right now.<p>

"Anything?" she asked Fin as she sat down.

"Not yet" he raised his eyes from the file so he could look at her "Liv called the lab earlier, told them to hurry with the results"

"Great" she nodded.

Fin got up and walked away, she tried to focus on her computer, go through the testimonies they had.

"Rollins" Amanda turned around, it was Benson.

"Yeah" she walked over to the sergeant's office. Nick was there, he gave her an awkward look, which, thankfully, was missed by Liv.

"What's going on?" Amanda asked.

"I just got the results" she answered "it's a match"

"It's a match?" Amanda repeated.

"Yes, I was about to let Barba know so we could get a warrant, but good job, Nick had told me about the thing you are not going to mention"

"Oh" Amanda looked at Nick, obviously she was talking about spilling the paint by the car, but from the guilty look on his face it could have been about that kiss as well.

"So once we get the warrant you can go arrest Gerrs" Olivia smiled, this case has been attracting a lot of heat and it looked like they had him.

"That's great sergeant" Amanda said "could I have a word with you after you talk to Barba?" Amanda kept her eyes on Liv, but she could feel Nick's stare, she could almost hear his thoughts.

There was only one way for her to get the day off tomorrow, she would have to ask for it, it would look bad, but at least she did good with the case, she managed to get evidence. Maybe Liv wouldn't be furious with her for asking, she might not even say no.

"Sure, I'll call you after I'm done" she nodded.

Nick and Amanda walked out of the office and got back to their desks. Neither said a word until Fin got back.

"It's a match" Nick let him know.

"That's great news I can't wait to get my hands on him"

"Rollins" it was Olivia again, she told Barba the good news and asked him to get the warrant as soon as possible.

Fin gave Nick a questioning look, wondering what Liv wanted to talk to Amanda about, but Nick's just shrugged, he wanted to know exactly the same thing.

"What is it Rollins?" Olivia asked after Amanda closed the door.

"Well I'm not really sure how to say it" she started but had to stop because of the worried look that had appeared on Benson's face "it's not bad sergeant"

"Ok" Olivia nodded and waited for her to continue.

"Well, I need some time off, one day" she said.

Olivia looked a little confused "that's not a problem, you have vacation days, right?" Amanda nodded "so let me know when you'd want to use them"

"The problem is I kinda need it tomorrow"

"I see" Olivia leaned back in her chair.

"I know it's short notice but its…" she should have thought about something better, or anything at all. It felt as if Liv could see right through her.

"I think you mean very short notice Rollins" Olivia could tell Amanda was uncomfortable asking, she wondered what it was about, there haven't been signs of gambling, and Fin assured her Amanda has been working her program. But Olivia did hear something else.

Fin and Liv have known each other for a long time, sometime it surprised her it has been this long. They were good friends, he was a good guy, a good detective, a good partner, he was easy to get along with. Olivia knew she could always trust Fin.

He also shared with her some information once in a while, you could call it gossip, but she called it intel. It was never anything dirty or private, just information he'd heard that might affect the people she had to work with.

One of this things was the fact Amanda was seeing someone. Fin told her about it while Nick and Amanda were away, they took a little coffee break and Fin let her know this guy seemed alright. They had their differences, but Olivia knew she was a little too hard on Rollins sometimes, she was trying, and she was probably the main reason they were about to arrest their suspect. So maybe she could give her a break.

"You can go" she smiled at Amanda's surprised expression "where are you going?"

"To the Hamptons" Amanda decided not to lie about that, keeping up with lies wasn't easy.

"Oh, that's nice"

"Yeah" she nodded, Fin must have told her about her _boyfriend _and now she thinks this is some romantic getaway"I'm gonna drive there tonight, after I'm done here"

"Listen" Olivia was happy for Amanda "I think we can manage without you, if you'd rather go earlier, I mean, this is your bust, so you can chose, you deserve it"

Amanda looked at Liv's smile. She felt sick, here she was lying to her sergeant. Amanda wanted to tell her the truth, to be honest, but she couldn't. Maybe Collins really did want to kill her and bury her body somewhere in the Hamptons, at least she wouldn't have to face Benson.

"I don't know what to say" Amanda tried to smile "thank you so much"

* * *

><p>Barba called a short time later, he got them the arrest warrant but Olivia decided to wait till he got home, she didn't want anyone from his work to film or talk about the arrest, she wanted to keep it quiet until they could make sure he's the rapist. The car was a good start, but they needed more.<p>

Olivia, Nick and Fin were on their way to arrest Gerrs. Amanda told Fin she was going home early because she had somewhere to be the next day, he gave her a wide smile and told her to have fun.

They made sure his car was there, he didn't seem to notice the paint.

"Be careful" Olivia told them "we might think he's not strong but he's not weak"

"Got you" Fin nodded.

They walked up the stairs to his apartment.

"This is the right floor" Nick said "his apartment is just on the other side" they were about to continue when the door next to them opened.

"You were here earlier" it was a young woman, she looked at Nick, he nodded "you're here for Donald?"

Nick exchanged a look with Liv and then nodded.

"You know him?" She asked the woman.

"Yes" she whispered and looked at her feet.

"Honey?" Olivia said "how do you know him?"

It took her a moment to answer "he tried to…a while ago, he tried to…" she started crying and Olivia gestured at the detectives to go, she would talk to the woman inside.

Nick and Fin did as Olivia ordered. Nick knocked "Donald Gerrs, it's the NYPD, open up" he knocked again.

They could hear something inside, he was definitely in there. Nick tried again and this time they could hear something louder.

"Fire escape" Nick said and turned to run out of the building.

Fin tried the door but it was useless so he ran after Nick.

Outside Nick was busy trying to figure out where Donald could have gone, he couldn't have gone too far. Nick checked the back of the building, where the fire escape led, but he wasn't there.

His car.

Of course, Gerrs must have seen it as a source of power, that's where he would go now. Nick ran to where it was parked. But it wasn't there.

Nick hurried back to the entrance when he heard Fin's voice, it wasn't far away from him "Amaro" he shouted.

Nick turned around, he couldn't see Fin but he saw the car. It was Gerrs' car and he was driving very fast towards him.

The speed of the car left Nick no margin for movement, it hit him hard and he couldn't think, everything was blurry, he might have heard a shot, maybe a few, maybe none. All he knew was that he hit the ground, was he in the air for a moment? Nothing was clear.

And though his thoughts were lost he could still feel, and the pain was unbearable. He was grateful for the blackout that followed.

* * *

><p>tbc<p> 


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry for the long wait, even though I have almost everything planned I had a hard time with this chapter and I'm not 100% happy with it. _

_Just to make the timeline in this chapter clear – Nick's part at the hospital takes place the day before Amanda's morning in the Hamptons. Hope it's not confusing._

_I promise you won't have to wait this long for the next chapter though, it will be uploaded soon._

* * *

><p>He was grateful for the blackout that followed.<p>

It kept the pain away. Kept everything else away too. Nick was passed out while Fin called the ambulance and Liv, while he arrested Gerrs.

The paramedics showed up fast and took him to the hospital. During the ride Nick opened his eyes, everything seemed blurry. Liv was there, the paramedic was checking something.

"Detective?" he asked but Nick had no idea what he had said. He felt the pain and shut his eyes, then he felt something in his right arm, a needle.

It made the pain go away.

"Try not to move" he heard the paramedic's voice "don't move your arms"

Even with the pain gone, Nick was feeling dizzy, he was lying down but things still seemed to move in circles around him.

He tried to open his eyes. The paramedic was talking to Liv. Nick tried to sit down but it just made his head spin even more and he heard the paramedic's voice before he blacked out again.

* * *

><p>"What did you tell her?" this time Mason was sitting in Amanda's car. After leaving the precinct she went home to pack a bag, she had no idea how long this little trip would take.<p>

"That I needed a day off, I think she believes I'm going to the Hamptons with my boyfriend"

"Isn't he sweet" Mason smiled.

"Yeah right, very sweet of him to make me drive all the way to the Hamptons to meet some criminal" she rolled her eyes and looked away.

Mason let out a little laugh "this might be one of the last time you're gonna have to see him" she turned to look at him and he continued "you know, this could be the chance I've been waiting for, I could finally nail him and I don't take that lightly"

Amanda nodded, Mason has dedicated the last years of his life for this case "are you going to drive there with me?"

"No, I need to stay here, but I will give you this" he took out something from his pocket and handed it to Amanda.

"A phone?" she looked at it.

"It has a tracking device and a recording device in it, records automatically when it's on, I don't want you to use yours"

"Why?"

"It might interfere the signal, just keep your phone off"

"I was pretty sure the feds would have better equipment" she put the phone in her pocket.

"I'm sorry, but the watch with the parachute is taken"

"No skydiving then" she rolled her eyes again "what about Collins' phone? Not gonna interfere with anything?"

"As long as you're not too close to Collins he's phone shouldn't be a problem"

"Don't worry" Amanda smirked "I'll try to keep my hands off of him"

* * *

><p>The drive to the Hamptons seemed to last forever. Amanda got there pretty late and had to check into a motel. She didn't sleep well, she had so much on her mind and every time she closed her eyes a different thought would pop up and keep her up.<p>

Right now it was Nick's turn. That kiss earlier… she really loved kissing him, the way his lips felt. But what was he thinking? Was this about Phil…well, Nick thinks his name is Phil.

Was he jealous? Amanda chuckled, that is so typical. It wasn't that he's been missing her, maybe he doesn't want her to be with someone else. But she wanted him, she wanted to be with Nick and denying it was useless, at least not to herself. Now that she's lying alone in the dark motel room. Still, she has to put herself first, she can't go back to just sleeping with him. Especially not when she wanted more.

Amanda had fallen asleep at some point but she was up again a few hours later.

She bought herself something to eat in the morning. Collins wanted her to get there by eight so she had some time to walk around. Amanda loved the beach, it was beautiful and calming. She sat on the sand and watched as the waves moved closer and then further away from her.

She must have sat there for an hour, it was almost eight and she had to hurry up.

* * *

><p>Collins' house was just by the beach, it was beautiful.<p>

You'd never know the owners runs an illegal smuggling operation, or almost runs it, since Mason did say he wasn't the head.

She knocked and looked around. She wondered whether he really wanted to kill her, the house wasn't secluded but the neighbors weren't very close. No one would hear a gun shot.

"Good morning detective" Collins opened the door and smiled at her.

"Mr. Collins" he closed the door behind her "this is a nice place" it was the truth, the house felt warm, not as cold as the one in New York did.

"Thank you" he said "why don't you follow me to the kitchen, would you like anything to drink?"

"I'm fine" Amanda hoped he would get to the point, why did he ask her to come here?

"Well, I will have some coffee" he made himself a cup of coffee while Amanda just watched "so what did you tell your boss?" he asked once the coffee was ready.

"Took a sick day" she replied and took out an envelope "the records you've asked for" she placed it on the counter.

"Good" He took a sip of the coffee and let his fingers play with the envelope.

"So how did you do?" his question caught her off guard as she had no idea what he was talking about. Was he talking about getting the records? he probably knew getting records wouldn't be a problem for a detective. This did not make her feel calmer.

But her confusion worked for her advantage.

"So you lost" he said "how much?"

Amanda stayed quiet, but then it hit her. There was a game the night she went out with "Phil", Nick and Fin. Collins must think she gambled on it, and lost.

"That bad, ha?" Amanda gave him a faint smile, as if she felt bad.

"It's a good thing you're here then" he put down the coffee and took something out of a drawer and walked over to her "here" he gave her an envelope.

There was a lot of money in there, way more than usual. What did he want her to do?

"Well, thank you" she looked at him "this is very helpful"

"So are you, you have been very helpful detective" Collins smiled and took a moment before he continued "there's more where that came from" he gestured at the money.

Amanda had no doubt the extra money wasn't a gift so she waited for him to tell her about the next _mission_.

"So since I've given you a little extra, I need something more" he grabbed the cup from the counter and drank the remaining coffee "wait here"

Collins left the kitchen but he came back a few minutes later carrying a box. It was a medium size white box.

"I need this" he put it down next to her "delivered to a friend of mine, it's urgent"

"Ok" she reached for the box. That was the only possible reply, whatever was in it, nothing good probably, she had to deliver it.

"Good, I will write down the address for you" he walked to a desk to get a pan and paper "this has to get there as soon as possible, I mean it"

"I got it" she reassured him and took the piece of paper with the address.

* * *

><p>The box wasn't heavy, she couldn't figure out what was inside. Opening it wasn't an option, it was taped and if she would try to see what's in there they would know. But from the sound it made when she shook it Amanda's best guess was pills.<p>

She got inside her car and looked at it. It seemed like a generic white box, she turned it around to check if there was anything on it.

And there was, looked like someone tried to take of a sticker off of it. But a tiny piece was left, not that it was helpful.

Just a brown and a green line. She took a picture of it with the phone Mason gave her and then she called him.

"Rollins?" he answered straight away.

"Guess what" she replied mockingly "I've been promoted, and I am now carrying drugs for our friend"

"What?"

"Collins gave me a box, I'm guessing there are pills in it" she explained "I need to get it back to New York ASAP, I will send you the address"

"This is great, whoever is waiting for you could be important"

"It's gonna be a few hours till I get there, plenty of time for you to check the place out"

"Don't worry" Mason said "I will do that, and I will be there while you drop off the package"

"Well I'm on my way back, so I guess we will see each other soon"

* * *

><p>Nick opened his eyes slowly. He was lying in a hospital bed. What happened?<p>

It didn't take long for him to remember, their suspect had hit him with a car. The dizziness was gone and so was the pain. Probably had something to do with the Morphine drip attached to his right arm.

Nick turned his head to look at his left hand, it was in some sort of a cast that prevented him from moving it. Was it broken?

"Nicky" the door opened and his mother walked into the room.

"Mom" he smiled and tried to sit upright.

"Oh, son, how are you feeling?" she pulled up a chair and sat down next to him "Olivia called me"

"I'm fine" he nodded.

"The doctor should be here to check on you soon" she squeezed his hand gently "give us more information"

"I'm sure everything's fine" he smiled again.

"Your friends are outside, would you like me to call them?" Nick knew she was talking about his squad, he wondered whether Amanda was there, Benson mentioned something about her taking some time off, maybe she got back to see him.

"Sure, thanks mom"

Cesaria gave him a kiss before walking out of the room. A couple of minutes later Olivia and Fin walked inside. Just the two of them.

"How're you doing?" Fin asked.

"I think I've been better, but I can't be sure since I'm not feeling anything" he chuckled.

"The magic of pain killers" Fin looked at Liv.

He wanted to ask about Amanda, did she even know he was here? But it would probably be a bad idea.

The door opened and a woman walked inside "hey, I'm Dr. Lawrence" she introduced her self "can I have a word alone with Mr. Amaro?"

"Sure, we'll come back later" Liv said and Fin followed her to the door.

"So, how are you feeling?" the doctor asked.

"You tell me, how's my arm?"

"I'm not gonna beat around the bush" she started "you've got a pretty bad break, well, not pretty" she smiled "it's broken in two places and it's not something a regular cast could fix, you're gonna have to have a surgery"

"A surgery?"

"It's the best, or more like the only, option" she said "we will use metal plates to put the bone together, it will take time to heal but if everything goes right you will make a full recovery and your arm will be ok"

"How long would that take?"

"A few months" she replied.

"Months?" Nick's eyes widened.

"Yes" the doctor nodded "I know it's not easy to hear, but you are lucky, this could have been much worse, so healing for months is better than not healing at all"

"Yeah" Nick looked at his arm, it looked as if it wasn't even a part of him.

"It's important to do it as soon as possible, I can schedule it for tomorrow morning"

"Can I have a few moments, I know I have to do it, I just need some time alone"

"Of course" she smiled "I'll get the paperwork started and come back later to give you more details about the procedure"

Nick watched as she walked out of the room.

Months.

What would he do for months? He would be stuck at his desk, he hated that. What if the surgery goes bad? What if they won't be able to fix it? You can't be a detective without the use of both arms.

Nick felt scared, this was bad.

He looked at the bedside table, his things were there. Nick reached for his phone, he just had to call her.

He got her voicemail, but it didn't matter, he had to say something:

"Amanda…


	10. Chapter 10

_Here's an almost 100% Rollaro chapter :) _

_We will get some answers about the UC thing soon._

_Regarding a "forgiving Rollins" fic, I'm gonna wait till the episode airs to write about it. I have too many thoughts about it and I can't do it right now, I just don't know what to expect (honestly, I'm a little worried about it)._

_I want to finish this fic and "Sins of a Father" by then so I have a lot of work to do._

* * *

><p>Amanda felt like the way back from the Hamptons was way faster than the way there, and it didn't bother her at all. She wanted to get rid of the box, deliver it so Mason could get something.<p>

This little trip proved to her how much trouble this investigation was. What if it gets them nowhere and she'd have to go on with this for years. That would never work. She was having trouble keeping it a secret now, how much longer could she keep up?

But quitting might be a problem, even if she tells Mason she's out Collins would never let her quit. She was stuck. It was so much like her to get messed up in crazy situations.

"I'm gonna be at the address soon" she called Mason "you got anything about the owner?"

"Bradley Haller, no rap sheet, he seems clean" he answered.

"Very helpful" He could see her rolling her eyes even though she was very far from him.

"This just shows how good he is, he's hiring people you'd never suspect of anything"

"He's good, I know"

"So are we, we just have to be patient"

"You have been patient" she let out a chuckle "for years, maybe you should figure out another way"

"I'm already here" he changed the subject "you won't see me though, don't want to raise any suspicion"

"I'm five minutes away" she let him know.

"Good luck"

She couldn't spot Mason, which probably meant Haller wouldn't be able to do that. But maybe he didn't really care, because he opened the door, took the box and closed it. Not even a 'hello' or a 'thank you'.

Amanda drove away and met Mason a few blocks from there.

"This was _very_ helpful" she handed Mason the phone.

"At least you're alive, I know you were worried about it" he grinned "and we have a name of someone in the operation, I'll try to follow him for a while, see where he leads me"

"I'm gonna head home, let me know how it goes"

* * *

><p>First thing Amanda did after she walked through the door into her apartment was to turn on her phone. It was off since Mason gave her the other one. She placed it on the counter and gave Frannie a kiss.<p>

"Missed you" she petted her and walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

She could hear the familiar sound of a text message before she turned the water on.

The shower brought her back to life, the warm water and the smell of the shampoo made her feel almost rejuvenated.

She got dressed and made herself a cup of coffee before checking that message. She had two. One text message from Fin 'call as soon as you can'

And she had one voicemail from Nick. Maybe something went wrong with the Gerrs case? Amanda decided to listen to Nick's message before calling Fin.

"Amanda…" she heard his voice and felt a tingle throughout her body, the way he said her name, why did it have such an affect on her?

There were a few second of silence after that but then he spoke without stopping.

"Amanda, I don't know if you know what happened, that I've been hit by a car, and I'm at the hospital. I will be fine, it's my arm, I'm having a surgery in the morning. But that's not important. The important thing is that I have to tell you something, because everything might change tomorrow, and I don't know what's going to happen, all I know is that I need to talk to you.

I've been a jerk Amanda, a real jerk. I messes things up between us, and I'm sorry. Truth is I don't deserve you, you're this…incredible person, and I took you for granted. I thought by now I'd learn not to do that, but I'm a jerk. I treated you badly. I should have never done that, you deserve so much more. You deserve someone who would tell you that you have the most beautiful eyes, because you do. And you need to be with someone who knows that and acknowledges that and… I wish it could be me, cause I would love to be that man. I know I missed my chance, I screwed up. If things go bad tomorrow I just wanted you to know that. I'm sorry Amanda"

* * *

><p>Nick's eyes were closed. He'd slept for most of the day. He couldn't remember in anyway, he had the surgery in the morning and after that he just slept. His mother came by and Benson did too, but he told them he was ok, he didn't really want anyone to sit by his side. And he hoped Amanda would call. But he had no messages.<p>

The doctor said the surgery went well and he would be released tomorrow, so now he had to look forward to months of healing and physiotherapy.

Sleeping was the best way he could think of to pass the time. Not that being released was something to expect, he would have to spend the next week at home and if his arm looks better he could be on desk duty for what could turn into forever.

It was getting late, visiting hours were over and he had nothing better to do than sleep.

But something woke him up, he felt something on his right hand. It was a very gentle touch. His eyes opened.

Amanda.

Her fingers were very slowly running up and down his palm and her eyes were focused on it. She looked so beautiful in the dim light. Was she really there? He wanted to see her since that first moment he'd woken up in this bed. Maybe it was the painkillers? Was he imagining things?

"Hey" she whispered, she must have seen his eyes open.

"Amanda" he smiled.

She smiled back and they sat there, her fingers resting on his palm "so you're a jerk" she smiled again.

"Yes" he nodded "I am"

"That's step one" she placed her hand on the bed.

"Step one?" he was unsure what she was talking about.

"Admitting the problem" she looked down "that's step one"

"Thanks for coming, I… meant what I said, I might have been a little…under the influence of pain killers but I meant every word on that message"

"Nick I…"

"You don't have to say it" he interrupted "I had my chance and I messed it up, you deserve better and if that guy is better then I'm happy for you"

"You're right about the deserving better part, but that guy it's…it's meaningless, it's not…it's over, it was never really…it's complicated but over" she wanted to add that it was a lie from the start but she couldn't.

"Yeah?" he said softly and she nodded.

"When are you being discharged?" Amanda asked.

"Tomorrow at noon"

"Maybe I could visit you after work" she offered.

"I'd love that" her hand moved closer to his again.

"I should go, let you sleep"

"Please don't" his voice was a little desperate "I've slept too much already, would you stay a bit longer?"

She nodded and her fingers were back to caressing his skin.

"So what happened?" She asked.

Amanda stayed at the hospital for almost an hour until a nurse caught them and told Amanda she had to leave. But she promised to visit him the next day at his place.

Now tomorrow couldn't get there fast enough.

* * *

><p>"Hey" Nick had a huge smile on his face when he opened the door to let her in.<p>

"You look better, how are you feeling?" she took off her coat.

He shrugged "hungry? My mom made enough food for a couple of weeks, and she's planning on bringing more"

"That's nice of her" Amanda smiled.

"Yeah, she is great, you want anything?"

"No" Amanda shook her head "I'm not hungry, but thanks"

He gestured at the couch and she sat down next to him "so how's the arm?"

"It's weird, not as painful as I expected it to be, but it's…annoying" he chuckled.

"I get that, I remember when I was shot and couldn't move my arm at all" it felt like it happened ages ago "but you're gonna wear this for a long time, ha?" she almost touched the cast.

"Few months" he looked at it "if everything goes well"

"I'm sure it will" she smiled.

They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. The plan was to have a real conversation, but both were not entirely sure how to start.

"So we have already established that I'm a jerk" Nick decided to go first.

"We have" she agreed with a smile.

"Maybe we should establish some other things…" his eyes narrowed just a bit, as if he wasn't sure of his words.

"We should" Amanda nodded "first thing" she raised one finger "you have to trust me, can you do that?"

"Yes" he said "I trust you, can you trust me?"

Amanda nodded and they remained silent for a while "what do you want?" she asked all of the sudden.

"What do you mean?" he wasn't sure what she was referring to.

"From me" she shrugged "seriously, what do you want from me, from us? Cause I know what I want and I don't want to be led on"

"Neither do I" he reached for her hand "I want to be with you, and not like before, I want us to be more than…more than what we were back then"

"I want that too" she said quietly "but I'm afraid that…"

"Something would go wrong?" he finished her sentence "why?" he added and she gave him a faint smile.

"I get it" he said "I've been a fool, acting as if nothing was going on and then when I kissed you like that, I'm sorry about…well, not doing it, I'm sorry about the timing, I should have done that a long time ago but instead I just didn't do anything, didn't say anything and I've been beating myself up about it especially after…" he wasn't sure whether he should bring up Phil, she said it was over and he just promised to trust her "I don't want to lose you, I want us to really try" he smiled at her.

That smile could melt her heart and body, it was so genuine and she could read it on his entire face. Amanda wanted nothing more than to try again, to really try.

After hearing Nick's voicemail Amanda called Fin and he told her everything. She was so worried about Nick she rushed to the hospital and listened to the message a couple of times in her car. Since visiting hours were over and she wasn't family she had to sneak in. He looked so handsome laying there it made her smile. She had to touch him, as if the only thing that could confirm Nick's alright was his skin.

The truth was that she wanted to kiss him then, just forget and forgive, kiss him and let everything go. But she knew it wasn't a good idea, just a few hours earlier she promised herself not to let that happen, she wanted more.

And he wanted that too.

There were so many complications, but looking at him they disappeared, all she could see was the beautiful brown color of his eyes. She closed her eyes and kissed him.

She kept the kiss soft, her lips brushed over his. Amanda opened her eyes and looked at him, his right hand moved to softly caress her cheek and they smiled at each other.

This time Nick was the one to kiss her. It was like the tension had been lifted off of him, the way her skin felt against his hand, they way her lips tasted.

The fire between them.

They pulled away again, but not for long as both needed the other. Time passed but neither Nick nor Amanda were aware of it, the only thing on their minds was the other.

Nick's phone buzzed and they were forced to stop.

"It's my mom" he gave her a little smile before answering.

Amanda leaned back and watched him as he talked to her. He kept on saying everything was fine, the food was good, no, there was no need for her to come by tonight, he was doing fine.

"Ok, mom, I love you too, yes, bye" he placed the phone back on the table "she's worried" he said a bit apologetically.

"Of course she is, that's how it should be" Amanda ran her fingers through her hair.

"Yeah, she wants to help out, but I need to get used to this" he raised his left hand a little "it's uncomfortable, I still have to figure out how to shower with it"

"You've got to cover it with something"

"Yeah, they gave me this…" he got up and walked to the kitchen "this" he handed it to her "it's a sleeve, so it won't get wet"

Amanda opened the pack "want me to help you out?" she smiled.

"Sure" he extended his hand.

"You're planning on showering with your clothes on?" Amanda looked down and took the sleeve out "cause I can help you with that as well, if you want to" she raised her eyes and focused on the sleeve again.

Nick's eyes widened a little but then a smiled formed on his lips "your help would be much appreciated" he kissed her cheek.

She helped him take off his shirt and then helped him with the sleeve.

"That should work" she caressed his bare shoulder "you know, I wouldn't mind helping with the shower part, to make sure it works" she raised her brows a little, keeping her voice serious but she had trouble controlling her smile "I can't let the cast get wet"

"That would be a bad thing" he nodded.

"Very bad" she got up and he followed her.

* * *

><p>Nick had trouble concentrating with her bare body pressed to his, she was torturing him, standing this close, her lips leaving light kisses all over his collar bone and neck. If his arm would have been fine…<p>

"Amanda…" he whispered and she caught his mouth with hers.

She pressed herself even closer to him, her hands moved all over his back and suddenly all he could think about was that this shower was taking way too long.

He pulled away from her and loved the wide grin she had, completely aware of the effect she had on him "I thought you wanted to help me with the shower" he said "not to make it harder on me"

She burst into laughter "pun intended?" she bit her lip and her hands were now running through his hair.

"You are driving me crazy" he hissed and she kissed him again.

Amanda enjoyed torturing him like that. She missed the way being with him made her feel, so she took the opportunity to go slow, even though it was getting tougher on her too.

She turned the water off after a while and handed Nick a towel, taking one for herself too. All the while she kept on smiling at him and leaving soft kisses all other his upper chest.

"You are taking too long" she took the towel away from him and pushed him to the bedroom. Amanda didn't want to hurt his arm so she very gently shoved him on the bed and without waiting any longer straddled him and caught his mouth with hers.

Nick liked the way she took charge, he missed her so much that the thought of her being away hurt. But he let it go, she was there, she wasn't going anywhere.

He wanted time to just stop.


	11. Chapter 11

_I'm not sure how many more chapters are left for this fic, but it will be finished soon. _

* * *

><p>He wanted time to just stop.<p>

But the night had to end and the sun came up.

Nick woke up with a smile. He was on his back and Amanda was lying next to him. She was on her stomach, one arm against his chest but facing away from him. He could stay like this forever, just lying in bed and watching her.

She turned to him after a while and opened her eyes "good morning" she whispered and her palm caressed his skin.

"Hey" he smiled at her.

"What time is it?" she turned away so she could get to the clock "damn it"

"What?" Nick already missed her touch.

"It's just after six, I've got to go" she was about to sit up when he asked her not to go.

"Still early" he moved closer and gave her a quick kiss.

"Tell that to Frannie, I need to take her out" Nick's lips stayed close and she couldn't resist, Amanda kissed him and let him deepen the kiss.

Nick moved so he was just over her and gently pushed her down with his body. She had to go but a few more minutes wouldn't bother Frannie.

Few minutes turned into more than that when Nick's lips started to drift from her mouth, he had to be careful and readjust his position from time to time when he felt some discomfort in his arm. But he didn't mind pushing through it when her breath got heavier and all she managed to mutter was "don't stop".

* * *

><p>A while later Amanda reluctantly left Nick's bed and got dressed quickly. She walked to the living room and was about to grab a glass of water before heading home when she spotted the plastic wrapper of the sleeve. Nick wasn't a messy guy, but he had other things on his mind last night. Amanda picked it up and looked at it before throwing it away.<p>

"You are more than welcome to visit again later" Nick walked into the kitchen and poured himself and Amanda some water.

"Thanks" she took the glass from him and watched as he swallowed a pill "you ok?"

"Yeah, it's just a little…" he shrugged.

"Hope I didn't hurt you" she took another sip of water and Nick couldn't decide whether she was serious.

"You did not" he leaned to kiss her.

"I really have to go now" Amanda pulled away "I'll call you later"

"I'll be here" he watched as she took her things and left.

* * *

><p>"He admitted everything?" Amanda made herself a cup of coffee while Fin told her about the case.<p>

"After a while" Fin nodded "turns out he tried to assault a neighbor but she didn't fight and I guess that was a turn off, he's a real freak"

"Yeah"

"At least 1PP are off our backs" he smiled.

"For now" she rolled her eyes and Fin laughed.

"How was your day off?"

Amanda was taken aback by Fin's question, she'd almost forgotten that was the story "oh" she looked at her coffee "I don't wanna talk about it"

Fin didn't add anything in the matter, they got back to their desks and went back to work. They still had open cases to deal with.

"You talked to Amaro? Benson said he'll be on desk duty for a long time" Fin raised his eyes at her.

"I called him" she lied "he mentioned it's gonna take time for him to recover" this part was true.

"When he's back it is going to by annoying, you know Amaro's gonna be all _I need to go to the field_" Fin grinned and she returned the smile, Amanda knew Nick could get restless, but he had no choice.

* * *

><p>When the day was finally over Amanda was glad to go home. She took Frannie for a walk and then hurried to Nick's house.<p>

"I'm feeling fine, don't worry Zara" Nick was on the phone when he opened the door so Amanda just smiled at him.

"I will be very careful, I promise" he caressed Amanda's arm before closing the door behind her "no, nobody painted anything on my cast, yes…ok…bye Zara, te adoro"

"How's she doing?" Amanda took off her coat.

"She's happy" he missed his daughter and hated the distance between them "how was work?"

"The usual" she shrugged "long"

"Hope you're hungry, cause my mom brought more food" he walked to the kitchen to take a couple of boxes out of the fridge.

"I'd love a home cooked meal" she looked at what's inside the boxes.

"There's plenty, maybe my mom has some secret plan to get me fat, I swear I've done nothing but eat today" he closed the door and took out a plate for Amanda.

"Thanks" she took the plate from him and opened one of the containers "smells good"

She placed the full plate in the microwave and turned to Nick so she could kiss him and their tongues played with each other for a while.

"I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow" Nick let her know after they sat down so she could eat.

"Everything's fine?" she put down the fork, a little worried.

"Just a checkup" he caressed her hand and smiled "don't worry"

She smiled and took another bite.

After the dishes were clean the two of them moved to the couch and spent a little time talking and a lot of time making out, as if they wanted to make up for lost time.

"Sorry" she moved off of him after accidentally hitting his left arm.

"That's ok" but Amanda could read his expression, he was clearly in pain.

"I think we should take a break" they sat up straight "wouldn't want you to blame me at your checkup tomorrow"

Nick chuckled and moved to give her a kiss "I promise not to say anything"

Not much time later they headed for bed. Even though nothing out of the ordinary had happened since morning, Amanda was exhausted and it didn't take her long to fall asleep. It took Nick longer than her but he spent that time just looking at her, feeling lucky she was so close, and again, he made a promise not to mess it up.

* * *

><p>Amanda sat up abruptly, it was still late and it took her a moment to realize a dream had woken her up. Everything around was quiet, Nick was sound asleep, looking very peaceful. She decided to get up and get herself a glass of water. The dream was weird, she was driving to New York with the box Collins had given her. But this time she did open the box, there were no pills in there, that's how it sounded to her the day she delivered it. It was a cast, Nick's cast. That's when she woke up.<p>

Sure, the investigation wasn't easy on her. Not with having to hide in from everyone, not with having to hide it from Nick, especially now that things between felt good. So she's feeling guilty, that's what the dream meant.

She finished the water and placed the glass on the counter. Still, something felt weird, but it was unclear to her, as if she was missing something.

Amanda decided to just go back to bed, what would she find out at this hour? She was about to leave the kitchen when her eyes fell on the trash can, she saw the plastic wrapper of that cast cover. Something looked familiar and she picked it up.

Brown and green lines.

A sticker with brown and green lines next to a logo "Vidaport". Maybe she was imagining things, so there was a brown and green line on that box, could mean many things.

But it the lines looked exactly alike. Was that a coincidence?

Amanda quietly got back to the bedroom to take her phone and returned to the living room quickly. She entered Vidaport into a search engine and clicked on the first result.

Vidaport was an import company specializing in medical equipment. From small things, just like this sleeve, to different machines.

Like an MRI machine.

The day she was at the hospital a doctor had mentioned a donation by Collins, a donation of an MRI machine.

She had to talk to Mason, maybe she was imagining, but he had to hear about it. If Collins was smuggling diamonds and drugs, using an already established import company would be the best way to go. Amanda placed the phone next to her on the couch. She would have to look deeper into it with Mason.

There was nothing more she could do at this hour so she returned to bed. Nick was in the same position, her eyes ran up and down his body until she focused on the cast. The person to blame was Donald Gerrs, he hit Nick with the car, but a small part of her felt guilty. If she didn't get involved in this mess then maybe it would have ended differently, maybe Nick wouldn't have been hurt.

Was doing this a mistake? Up until this moment she got nothing, and even this was a stretch. Maybe she was in over her head, that's how it felt right now. She covered herself with the blanket and closed her eyes.

Why did she even get into it?

* * *

><p>"You look tired" Nick was right, after getting back to bed she had a hard time falling asleep.<p>

"No, everything's alright" she gave him a reassuring smile.

"Maybe I could come by your place later?" he suggested "this way you wouldn't have to leave so early and we could spend sometime together"

"Sure, I'd like that, but bring some of this food with you" she gave him a quick kiss.

"Deal" he smiled as they parted.

* * *

><p>Amanda couldn't shake the guilt even after she got back to her apartment with Frannie. But there was a reason, a person who started all of this.<p>

Eve.

Amanda had some time before she had to be at work so she drove straight to the clinic Eve was being treated at. It's been a while since she saved her and this was the first time she'd get to see her.

Her badge got her inside and the doctor called Eve so Amanda could talk to her.

Amanda remembered the look in her eyes that day in the park, that emptiness.

"Hey Eve" Amanda smiled "could we have a word?"

"Yeah" she nodded and the two of them walked to a quiet corner.

"Do you remember me?" Amanda asked and the girl nodded again "my name is Amanda, I work at the NYPD"

"Ok" she said.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing"

"Ok" she repeated and Amanda was about to say something when Eve continued "thank you"

"Are you feeling better?"

Eve looked to the side "I'm not dead so that's better than being dead I guess"

"I'm sure things will get better" Amanda knew this was probably the last thing Eve would want to hear but she wasn't sure what else to say.

"Why did you do that?" the girl asked suddenly "save me"

Amanda wasn't sure how to respond. Why did she save her? It was the right thing to do, she couldn't just let her die. But what did Eve want to hear?

"Because of the look in your eyes" Amanda said and Eve looked straight at her "you are just a kid, you shouldn't feel like that"

Eve turned her eyes away again and Amanda wondered whether she was doing better, because being alive didn't mean that.

"I'm sure it must have been hard for you, losing your mother" Amanda tried, she didn't expect Eve to open up like a book, but she hoped for something "and I met your father, I'm sure he is not the easiest man to get along with"

"You saw my dad?" Amanda nodded but did not elaborate "he's ok I guess"

"I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to lose his wife"

"I don't think they got along so well, so I doubt that" Eve shrugged "mom spent a lot of time away from here"

"Away from you?"

"Sometimes she took me with her, I don't know, she had secrets and she didn't share them with me"

"I'm sure she loved you"

Eve gave her an annoyed look "you don't have to worry, I'm not going to die"

"Not dying is not the same as living" Amanda countered.

"I know you're trying to help but you don't have to, I'm not going anywhere and the doctors are always asking me about my dad and my mom, so I'm tired of it, I've heard so many times about her and that I should…are you a friend of my dad?"

"No, I met him when I tried to find out how you've been doing" Amanda hoped her answer would satisfy Eve and she would go on talking.

"Well, anyway, I don't know, they all think I'm like her, but that's not true"

"Like your mom?" she asked gently.

"My mom was happy, she wasn't sad"

Mason said she killed herself, but it seemed like Eve didn't believe that "I'm sure she was"

"Not that anybody cared, dad's always working so mom was happy elsewhere" Eve looked displeased with herself, as if she shouldn't have said that.

"It's alright, I'm not going to say anything Eve" Amanda smiled "I don't care about your dad, you can tell me"

Looked like Eve was thinking about it and Amanda realized she probably hadn't been talking about any of this to anyone.

"She spent a lot of time in our other house" she finally decided to share. The other house was probably the one in the Hamptons "I used to go with her on weekends and vacations, I didn't like staying alone with dad or my grandma"

"And she was happy there?"

Eve nodded "I know she was, I mean I guess so, she seemed happy, she had this…" Eve got quiet again and Amanda just waited, hoping she felt safe enough to talk "she had a boyfriend" she added after a while.

"She was seeing someone else?" Amanda kept her voice soft so Eve wouldn't lose trust in her.

"I didn't care, I don't think she liked my dad anymore"

"You ever met him?"

"No" she shook her head "but it's true, I heard her talking to him on the phone this one time, it wasn't long, something like… I got it Phil…maybe, then she saw me and hung up"

Phil.

_Phil?_

Amanda tried to stay calm as she said goodbye to the young girl not long after that. But once she was back in the car her mind was racing. This couldn't be a coincidence, could it?

Phil.

She called Mason and calmly told him they have to meet after she's done with work.

* * *

><p>A hectic day at the hospital caused a delay in Nick's checkup and he had to spent a large part of the day there. At least the doctor seemed happy with the state of his arm and told him he could go back to work, desk duty only, but that was better than having to sit at home for days.<p>

He took a couple of boxes from his fridge to take to Amanda's place. Nick thought he'd walk there cause he was in a pretty good mood.

He was about a block from her apartment when he though he spotted her on the street. Frannie wasn't with her and it seemed she was waiting for something. He thought about calling her but decided against it, she couldn't see him so he'd just wait for a while.

Not a long time later a car pulled over and she walked towards it. The driver's window was down and Nick recognized him. It was Phil, Amanda said it was complicated but over, what was she doing in his car?

They just stayed there, Phil rolled up the window and Nick couldn't see anything. But he could feel the anger, the rage boiling inside of him.


	12. Chapter 12

_So I'm spoiling you with updates: )_

_Let me know what you think_

* * *

><p>He could feel the anger, the rage boiling inside of him.<p>

Nick wanted so badly to walk to that car, drag Phil out of it and punch him over and over. But he couldn't do that, he had to control his emotions. A few minutes later the car drove off and Nick stood there for some time, just staring at that spot, as if she would miraculously appear, as if nothing happened. After a while he realized it was a waste of time and walked back to his place. The source of the pain he felt at that moment wasn't his arm, it was his heart.

* * *

><p>Amanda quietly sat down in Mason's car. She watched as he rolled the window and turned to her, expecting her to tell him her findings.<p>

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked her.

"Oh" she replied calmly "just wondered why you haven't told me that you had an affair with Collin's wife" he was clearly surprised by this, not by her words, but by her knowledge.

Without saying a word Mason drove off, he wanted to talk about it somewhere else and she didn't seem to mind, she remained silent.

"Come on" he parked the car and opened the door, she followed him. They walked into a building and took the elevator to the third floor.

"Welcome to chez Mason" he turned left and let her walk inside his apartment. This was a conversation he didn't want to have in the car.

Mason locked the door and turned to her "how did you find out?"

"Eve"

"You spoke to Collins' daughter?" he asked.

"Yeah, why don't we keep of talking about what I've done and ignore the fact you lied to me about this crucial piece of information" her voice was no longer calm but she kept it low "screw you Mason, I'm putting myself in danger, lying to my partner, lying to my sergeant while you just tell me whatever you want"

Mason took a breath before answering "I haven't told you about it because no one else knows, it wasn't supposed to be an affair"

"So you two were in love?" she crossed her arms.

"I thought getting close to her would help me find more information, but things happened" Amanda rolled her eyes "it wasn't planned" she rolled her eyes again and let out a smirk.

"I'm sorry this is all so unoriginal" he shrugged "I told her the truth after a while, she wasn't very upset about the lie"

"So what happened?"

"She was the one to tell me someone else was running the operation, not Collins, but she didn't know who it was, she couldn't record anything because he was very careful about it, but she heard him a couple of times and told me"

"Eve said she was happy" Mason looked somewhat puzzled by that so Amanda continued "she said her mother was happy, with her _boyfriend_" she shook her head "this changes everything"

"Not anything that concerns to you"

"Everything about this investigation concerns me, you just don't seem to get that, or care about it"

"That's not true" he tried to protest.

"Is this why you stayed here rather than going to the Hamptons? You thought someone might recognize you? What if I was in danger, you didn't seem to think so, but let me tell you" she stared at him "you're not very good at this, you are so sure his wife killed herself, but why would she do that? If she was happy, if she thought the two of you might have a future together after this operation, then why?"

Mason kept his expression blank, but he listened carefully to what she was saying.

"Maybe she never wanted to die? Maybe somebody else wanted her to, it makes sense, if she had something incriminating about Collins or whoever runs this thing, wouldn't they try to stop her?"

"You're done?" he asked a few moments later, Amanda has been quiet for a while now, waiting for his response "I should have let you know, you're right, but as I already told you, so many things went wrong during this investigation I had to keep some details to myself, specially something like this no one knew about. At some point I felt like it didn't matter, which was wrong"

"And now I'm suppose to trust you, cause you've really proven yourself" she looked upset "what should I think? I've never given you a reason to doubt me"

"No, you never did" he nodded and they looked at each other.

"Do you have the phone I took to the Hamptons?" Amanda asked after a while.

"Yes" Mason wasn't sure why she asked for it but figured she will tell him soon enough. He handed her the phone and she turned it on to search for the picture she took.

"Look at this" he took the phone from her and wasn't sure what he was meant to see

"This was on that box Collins gave me" she explained "and look at this" she took out a piece of paper from her back pocket and handed it to him.

"Vidaport" he read.

"I printed it from their website, check out the logo, the same lines" she stood next to him now and watched as he examined the paper and the picture on the phone.

"What if this is how he brings in his extra merchandise?" she continued.

"Where did you find this?" he raised the paper.

"Saw the logo in a store" Amanda wasn't going to tell him about Nick, even though she just gave him a little speech about lying, unlike Masons' thing, her relationship with Nick had nothing to with the case "recognized it from the box"

Mason turned his attention back to the phone and added nothing for a while.

"It may be a long shot, but still worth checking, you have nothing else"

"You're right" he looked at her "it is something, good job"

"Can I trust you to call me when you find anything?" she said a bit sarcastically.

"You can" he decided to go with a simple answer, even though there were other things he could have said, it wasn't the time to argue.

"I want to know everything" she added and he seemed confused "about you and her"

He should have known she wasn't done talking about that "you already know most of it"

"It's not enough, I need a proof you trust me, cause you said it many times, but I've been blindsided over and over"

Mason nodded, it was useless to hide it from her now "ok, I'll tell you about her, but I have a feeling you already know more than I do" his lips curved into a sad smile.

"I used her to get information, Phil Parker is an alias I use, just like I did with your squad. As I've already said, we got too close and I had to make a choice. I told her the truth, it wasn't the smartest thing to do, but it felt like right one. She wanted to help, tried to listen in, to get papers. But Collins didn't keep anything in the house and she overheard some bits of conversations he had with someone. That's when it became clear he wasn't working alone, that there was someone else and that person had all the evidence"

He looked down before continuing "then I couldn't get a hold of her for a couple of days, I drove to the Hamptons to check on her but she wasn't there, and when I finally spotted her, here in New York, she looked different. Then the accident happened, the coroner said it was a suicide, I read the report and…well, that's how it looked so…"

"Don't tell me you had no doubts, because I do. You think that's so hard to stage? You keep on saying that Collins wouldn't want to hurt anyone, to keep his operation clean. But if it isn't his operation, then maybe that person doesn't care about it that much"

"Well then by all means, look into that, maybe you'll find something" he shrugged.

"Maybe I will, and you can be sure that I'm going to share my findings with you" she frowned, still unhappy with all the secrets he'd been hiding.

"You need a ride home?" he decided to change the subject, detective Rollins was something alright.

"Yeah" she checked the time "I have to take my dog out"

* * *

><p>Nick couldn't erase the image of Amanda getting into that car from his brain. He kept on seeing it the entire way home. And when he walked through the door and saw the couch he remembered the conversation they had sitting on it, about trusting each other.<p>

Trusting.

Maybe they had different definitions of trust, because for him it meant they would be honest with each other. Maybe she was being honest with Phil too.

Nick let out a chuckle, he realized he'd been staring at the couch and the bag with the containers was still in his hand. He placed them back in the fridge and slammed the door. It felt good to do that, to slam something. He would have loved to go to the gym and punch something but he couldn't, not with the state his arm was in.

Nick just couldn't wrap his head around it, why would she lie to him?

The last couple of days with her were truly amazing, it felt so good to wake up with her next to him, to be greeted by her gorgeous smile in the morning. He wanted more, he wanted it to be serious, not a casual hook up like before. She said she wanted the same.

But maybe she didn't. What if she changed her mind? What if she realized she wasn't feeling the same way.

Nick's phone buzzed and he picked it up. It was a text from her: _are you coming over?_

He chuckled, she wants to see him after her meeting with…whoever this guy is to her.

_I don't think so_.

He typed but then erased it, thinking that something milder would be better.

_Tired, I will see you later. _

He decided to send that, it wasn't harsh and it was true, maybe she would sleep on it and let him down gently.

She didn't send him anything back and Nick was grateful for that, he needed to calm down and talking to her, even in this form, wouldn't help right now.

He walked over to the bathroom and took a pill, his arm was pounding and that pain he could control. Nick closed his eyes and focused on breathing, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

There was a loud thud a while later and Nick sat up straight, a little confused by it. He must have fallen asleep on the couch for a short time. He heard the thud again and stood up. Someone was at the door.

He hurried towards it and was surprised to see her.

Amanda.

She smiled at him and he could see the concern in her eyes, why would _she_ be worried?

Nick let her walk inside but kept his distance.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" she asked "I got your text and thought maybe something went wrong at the hospital today, you ok?"

He shrugged, which only made her look even more concerned.

"Nick?" she walked closer to him but he took a step backwards "what is it?"

"Everything was fine at the hospital" he shook his head.

"That's great" she gave him a smile, the one he loved so much but it faded as soon as he turned away.

"Nick? What's wrong?" now she sounded confused and waited for him to reply.

"It's you" he finally turned back at her and she could see a mix of anger and pain in his eyes "I saw you with him earlier, with Phil"

* * *

><p><em>Next chapter we will finally find out everything…I think : ) <em>


	13. Chapter 13

_First of all, thank you so much for your reviews. _

_noirlail8__, you're the best, thank you so much._

_To the anon who'd celebrated a birthday, sorry for the delay but you can see this as a late birthday gift :) _

_I think I will finish this story and then move on to "Sins of a father", so if you like that one as well, don't worry, I will update it too._

* * *

><p>"I saw you with him earlier, with Phil"<p>

Amanda just stared at him after he said that, her eyes glued to his face. Nick could see she was thinking about it, maybe trying to make up an excuse, maybe trying to figure out where exactly he could have sees them.

What did he want her to say? Of course he wanted to hear the truth, but what if the truth hurt too much?

But then she started laughing.

"I'm sorry Nick" she didn't meant to laugh, it was an automatic response to all the tension that now, knowing she had to tell him everything, just disappeared. And the relief she felt just made her laugh.

"Sit down" she asked and walked to the couch.

Nick followed without saying anything, he was a bit surprised by her reaction but decided to just listen.

"His name is not Phil" she started "his name is Andrew Mason and he is an FBI agent, I've been working with him for some time now"

He didn't react so Amanda continued "doing some undercover work, you guys weren't suppose to know but Fin got suspicious and so Mason made this whole thing up…but none of that was true"

There was still no response from him so Amanda kept going, she told him everything, from the beginning. About that morning in the park, seeing Eve, jumping after her, the conversation with the doctor, watching the house, meeting Mason for the first time, his offer, accepting it, meeting Collins for, his requests, the Hamptons, her conversation with Eve and then with Mason.

She left her findings about Vidaport to the end.

When she was done it was as if a huge weight had been lifted of her shoulders. She almost didn't care that Nick just sat there in silence.

Amanda decided to give him time to process everything, and she just waited for him to say anything.

He stood up and looked at her "what did Liv say about it?" but the expression on her face was enough for him to understand "even she doesn't know?" he tilted his head a bit and smiled awkwardly.

"Wow" he sat back down, clearly not sure what else to say.

"Well that's the whole truth" she said quietly.

"Nick?" she added after a few minutes, he still hadn't said anything else.

"I'm not sure what to say" he shrugged "I mean I…" he searched for words "I just don't understand why you had to keep it a secret from everyone"

"You know how it's like to be undercover" she replied "I'm sure you didn't tell anyone when you worked undercover"

"That was my job, you're in SVU"

"Come on" she frowned.

"The last time you were und…"

"This is entirely different" she looked hurt by the mention of the other undercover operation, the one with Murphy "yes, back then I was in a bad shape, but this is not like that at all"

"I didn't mean to…"

"Are you just upset I didn't tell you?" she cut him off.

"I'm worried you are gonna get into trouble, with this Collins guy, with Liv…I mean, he thinks you're still gambling…are you doing this to prove something? Cause you don't have to"

"You think that's why I'm doing it?" he shrugged "because it's not Nick. I know I may not be handling this situation the best way possible, but it is important. The bottom line is that this guy has to be stopped"

"You know how many criminals there are, all of them have to be…"

"Nick" she moved closer to him "that's not fair of you to say"

"No, you're right" he shook his head "I don't want you to get hurt"

"I know, I don't want that either" she let her fingers rest right next to his "now you know everything, I'm sorry for keeping it a secret, but I have to see it through"

Nick looked at her hand and after a while let his move closer to it, closing the gap and then softly caressing it. It reminded him of the way she touched him at the hospital, how happy he was to see her there.

"Amanda" their eyes met "just be safe"

"I will" she assured him.

"What's your next move?" he asked, his hand covering hers.

"I need to search for a file, about the car accident, I need to find time tomorrow look for it"

"Can't you just find it in the database?"

"That's not a good idea, Collins has someone in the NYPD, and if he's gonna find out I looked into the file it's gonna look suspicious" Nick's eyes widened with surprise and Amanda realized she must have failed to mentioned it earlier "his name is Roger Dives, he's not from our precinct"

"This is insane" Nick pulled away and leaned on the couch "you shouldn't be doing this alone"

"I'm not alone" she knew he was concerned but she didn't like being overprotected.

"I'm sorry, but this Phi…Mason guy, sounds more trouble than help"

"Sure, he lied. But I know he this investigation is important to him, and I guess I do trust him" Amanda smiled, sure, Mason didn't exactly prove to be the most trust worthy person, but she could understand him. If it came out he had an affair with a wife of a target his career would have been ruined.

"You know" Nick scratched his left shoulder "when I saw the two of you today…I just…wanted to punch him"

Amanda grinned "maybe the anger management classes are paying off" she got up and sat back down next to him, her hands cupping his face "I only want you Nick"

Hearing her say those words washed away every bit of doubt. He still needed time to wrap his mind around this whole undercover thing she was doing, but it didn't matter at that moment. Not when her lips brushed against his, and then captured them in a soft, sweet kiss. He smiled against her mouth when she pulled away to take a breath and let one of her hands rest on his thigh.

This time Nick was the one to take control and kiss her, again, cursing his hurt hand for forcing him to move so slowly.

"Careful" she whispered when he almost hit it on something while moving over her.

"Worth it" he smiled "you're worth it"

She gently pushed him back up and kissed him again "come on" she stood up "your couch is not very comfortable"

Nick happily obliged, following her to the bedroom.

* * *

><p>Morning came too soon yet again. But this time they got up earlier so they could have breakfast together.<p>

"We didn't get a chance to talk about what the doctor had told you" Amanda was in charge of making them eggs since he had trouble cracking them.

"I'm going back to work today" she turned to look at him, surprised by the news "she said everything look just as it should, I practically begged her to say I can work, sitting at home's driving me crazy"

"You ain't a fan of desk duty" she said.

"No" he shook his head at the memory of the last time he was stuck with it. It's been so long ago but he couldn't let himself forget what caused it, shooting the young kid back then. It was also the first time he'd gotten the sense something was going on with Amanda, which turned out to be true. But they both were in a better place now, separately and together.

"Nick?" he realized he'd been lost in his thoughts.

"Sorry" he walked over to her and kissed her cheek.

"How do you want the eggs?" she smiled.

* * *

><p>"So what's the plan?" Nick was sitting across her, eating the scrambled eggs.<p>

"Plan?" she wasn't sure what he was referring to.

"With this file you told me about yesterday"

"I guess they have in their precinct, I can go to the file room there and make a copy, see what it says"

"And you think it's something dodgy?" he placed the fork on the plate and watched as she finished with her food.

"Mason was certain it was a suicide, but I disagree"

"Did you ever talk to that guy about her?"

"Collins?" Nick nodded "no, I don't know what to think about them, I hope this file will be helpful"

"Maybe I could be" he suggested.

"You could be what?" she questioned.

"Helpful, I can try to find it, I'm sure Benson wouldn't mind it if I take a long break or something"

"I don't know Nick" she seemed very hesitant.

"It's just a file, nobody would know" he tried to persuade her "if that dirty cop sees you there it's gonna look bad, you said yourself you didn't want to use the database because of that"

She still looked skeptical so he continued "I admit, I want to do more than just sit at my desk for the entire day, but you need someone you can trust, and it's not like I'm going to show up at your meeting with the agent"

"I just don't want you to…"

"Get hurt?" Nick completed the sentence, this was exactly what he said last night.

"Yeah" she looked at the table and he could see her biting her lip, remembering their conversation.

"It's just searching for a file, I'm not even going to bump my arm against anything"

She let out a little laugh but he could tell she was thinking about it.

Nick was right, she was thinking about his offer. Obviously she couldn't tell Mason about it, but he kept so much from her, and big things. Maybe Nick helping her out wouldn't be a bad idea.

"Ok" she finally replied "just make a copy and hand it to me later"

"Thank you" he smiled and got up to clear the table.

* * *

><p>Nick couldn't deny it, there was something about being undercover. The excitement, the danger. Often the only way to get to someone, something or both. So he couldn't blame Amanda for doing this, even though her supervisor was clueless about it.<p>

He appreciated her telling him everything. She could have made some excuse, and maybe, if it would have been something really good, he would have believed her. But she was honest so even though he was worried about her, he wasn't about _them_.

Walking into the squad room he was greeted by everyone's questions and jokes. Even though it was less than a week, he was very happy to be back.

Liv called him to her office and they had a conversation about how things would be until his arm's healed. He had no other option than to agree with everything. She also told him that Gerrs had pleaded guilty so there would be no trial.

Amanda came in while he was in Liv's office and she was talking to Fin about something when he walked back to his desk.

"Hey Nick" she said casually "how's your hand?"

"It's alright" he shrugged and sat down.

A few hours later he decided it was time to go, he'd been waiting for this little _adventure_ since the morning, to get out and do something different, even though it was just searching for a file.

He informed Liv he was going out for lunch and she told him to take as long as he needed. Amanda kept her head down when he left, she knew exactly where he was going and a part of her felt guilty for agreeing to this. If she would get into trouble with Benson – so be it, but she didn't want her to give Nick a hard time about it.

* * *

><p>Nick reached the other station about half an hour after leaving his precinct. Luckily, the officer at the desk spoke Spanish which always worked for his advantage, specially accompanied with an injury. She showed him to the file room and he said he'd be alright on his own.<p>

Amanda had it's number and to his surprise, and disappointment, it was at the right location. He'd hoped he would at least have to look for it. He made a copy and placed it back.

Nick thanked the officer on his way out and hurried to the precinct.

"Where are Fin and Rollins?" he asked Liv.

"Out, talking to a witness"

"I got some more paper work for you" her tone was apologetic and she handed him some forms.

* * *

><p>Fin and Amanda's interview had kept them out of the squad room for the rest of the day so they didn't get a chance to talk. But they met up at her place when she was done.<p>

"Check this out" he handed her the file "just read the first page"

Amanda did as he asked "Oh, crap"

* * *

><p><em>I planned this chapter to be the one where we find everything out, but stories have their own plans I guess.<em>


	14. Chapter 14

_Sorry for the longer wait._

_ I had certain plans for this chapter, but again, things turned out differently._

_ Hope you like it._

* * *

><p>"Oh, crap"<p>

"Looks like you were right" Nick said and sat down on the couch, Frannie, who was happy about his visit, walked over to him and he patted her, keeping his eyes on Amanda.

"Yeah, this just makes everything more complicated" she raised her eyes from the file to Nick's "I have to talk to Mason"

She was about to reach the phone when, all of the sudden, it started buzzing. They both looked at it a little surprised.

"It's him" she let Nick know and answered "we need to talk" she told Mason and then listened while he spoke.

"Well?" Nick asked as she placed it on the couch next to her.

"He wants to meet up, has something to tell me" she got up.

"Can I go with you?"

She narrowed her eyes "no, Nick" moving closer to him she caressed his arm "I should have never accepted your offer to help me out, you said it yourself, what if Liv finds out? I don't want you to get into trouble for helping me"

"Don't worry about that" he reassured her but she shook her head.

"I promise to tell you everything, ok? But you can't get involved" the look on her face was very serious and Nick had no other option than to nod, even though he really wanted to go with her, or help in any way.

"Thank you" she gave him a quick kiss and hurried to take the file, her phone and jacket before walking out of the door.

* * *

><p>Amanda met Mason not far from the spot Nick had seen them the other day. She got into his car and he drove away to a more secluded location.<p>

"What did you want to talk about?" she wanted him to start.

"I followed your lead, about Vidaport" he said "and I've got something, they have one very interesting employee there, Joanna Collins, his mother"

"Eve's grandma?" Mason nodded "and? What did you find?"

"She's an accountant, been working there for years. I think you're right, something is going on there, I just started, but this could be the reason there are not many records in Collins' name, if they are running things through the company"

"And the smuggling? You think they are using it as a cover?"

"Vidaport is a real firm, it's legal, but it's a real possibility, we've got to look deeper"

"Well, I've got something to show you too" she handed him the file "check out who was first at the scene"

Mason read the first pages and looked at her "Roger Dives" he said "this is not what's in the database"

"Maybe he'd managed to delete it?" she suggested.

"Could be" he read it again.

"This is in no way a coincidence, he could have done something to the car and follow her, or change something at the scene so it would look like a suicide"

"I know" he nodded "I know"

"What are we going to do about him?"

"Right now" Mason looked at her "nothing, the priority is Collins"

"This has to be related, do you think they knew about you?"

"No way" there was no doubt in his voice "she wouldn't have told anyone, and we were always careful"

She wanted to comment on that but decided not to, he just got confirmation somebody killed his…_girlfriend_? Amanda wasn't exactly sure what they were.

"So what do you need from me now? Wait for Collins to call?" she asked.

"Right now yes, if he calls go talk to him, I doubt he suspects anything. In the meantime I'll be looking into Vidaport, I need more if we are going to make arrests"

"What about Haller? The guy I delivered that box to?"

"He works at the hospital they took Eve to" he replied.

"Should I state the obvious?" she chuckled.

"I know, too many coincidences are not a coincidence, but stick to the plan, I will let you know what's going on"

"Alright" she nodded.

* * *

><p>When Amanda returned to her apartment Nick was trying to do something in the small kitchen.<p>

"Hey" he tried to be casual, even though he wanted to know what Mason had told her.

"What are you doing?" she smiled as he struggled to open a jar of pickles.

"Thought I'd make some dinner, it's not going that bad, except for this" he placed the jar on the counter, giving up on it.

She walked towards him and opened the jar "it's the thought that counts" she moved to kiss him.

"So?" there was no need for him to elaborate, she knew exactly what he wanted to know and she shared with Nick the information Mason had given her.

"Basically you solved everything" he smiled "and he's going to get the reward"

Amanda shrugged and helped him put the food on the plates, it was just grilled cheese with some vegetables but Amanda didn't mind, she wasn't used to much better, unless it came in a take out box.

"So now you're just going to wait?" he went back to talking about the investigation once they sat down.

"I guess, he's gonna look into it, and see what he comes up with, I just hope it will be over soon" she looked down before raising her eyes to meet his "I feel like I'm stuck until it's done"

* * *

><p>A few days later there were still no news from Mason, but there was plenty of work at Amanda's 'day job' as Nick referred to SVU. He wasn't thrilled to sit at his desk most of the time, and Benson didn't want him interrogating suspects while injured. Still, the cast turned out to be useful as they had a case where the victim was a young boy. The kid was reluctant to talk to any of the detectives, until he saw Nick and his arm.<p>

They figured he felt less threatened by him because of the injury, and finally the boy had opened up and told Nick everything. It made Nick feel not as worthless as he's been feeling about work.

Being with Amanda was the best remedy for that worthlessness.

They got back to her apartment a little earlier than usual one day and spent half of the evening in her bed.

"You're kidding" he laughed at a story she just finished telling, about one of her first days in New York.

"It's not funny" she looked at him, smiling widely herself.

"No" he shook his head "I can't believe you got lost there"

"You're terrible" she moved so her eyes were just in front of his and Nick stopped laughing and smiled softly.

"I'm not gonna let you get lost again" he whispered and she kissed him. His hand reached to caress her cheek and she deepened the kiss.

Amanda's phone buzzed and she pulled away, a bit flustered by the interruption.

"Damn it" she mumbled moving away from him. Nick saw the look on her face get even more upset when she looked at the called ID.

"Yes" she answered and there was a long pause, Nick couldn't hear the person on the other line, but he had a very good guess.

"Alright, yes…I remember" she placed the phone back on the bedside table and it took her a few minutes to turn to him.

"I have to go" she looked at him but to his disappointment she didn't move closer, she got out of the bed and grabbed her clothes which were scattered on the floor.

"Ok" he slowly sat up straight and watched as she got dressed "you gonna be back soon?"

"I doubt it" she gave him a quick apologetic look "but you can stay here if you want, I'll leave you a key"

"I can take Frannie for a walk" he suggested.

"That would be much appreciated" she finished buttoning her blouse and walked over to him "thank you" she kissed him again.

"My pleasure" he said before she left.

* * *

><p>Mason asked her to meet him at his apartment.<p>

"What's going on?" Amanda asked the instant he opened the door.

"Come on in" he closed the door behind her.

"What's going on?" she repeated looking around. There were many carton boxes all over the place.

"These are all the files I could get my hands on" he explained "the company is having a _tax inspection_" he used air quotes saying the last two words.

"You think they won't suspect anything?" Amanda wasn't sure if Collins wouldn't find out about it.

"I hope not, a tax inspection isn't uncommon, and if his mother is good, which she seems to be, they have no reason to worry about it. But this why we have records going back more than six years. We don't have to look so far, but we need to find anything out of the ordinary. Any suspicious transfers, anything to do with the hospital Haller works at" Mason looked at her "hope you had no plans tonight"

"I guess sleeping is canceled" she took a deep breath before grabbing a box.

* * *

><p>True to his word, Nick took Frannie for a walk and later spent the rest of the night at Amanda's place. He hadn't slept very well though, since almost every noise woke him up, he expected her to show up, but she never did.<p>

There were no missed calls or text from her and Nick wasn't happy about that. He though it wouldn't be a good idea to show up at work late, especially if Amanda had plans to do the same. But he waited for the last minute he could before leaving.

To his surprise Amanda wasn't late. Nick saw her walk into the building when he was across the street and hurried after her.

"Hey" he managed to catch the elevator just a moment before the doors had closed.

"Sorry" she looked tired, they were alone, but there was no time to have a real conversation.

"You ok?" he asked and she nodded just as the doors opened.

"Later" she walked straight to the coffee pot to pour herself some.

Nick tried hard not to throw glances at her throughout the day, she tried to act like everything was normal, but he could tell she was tired, probably didn't get any sleep.

They had a moment alone when Fin was at Olivia's office so Nick walked over to Amanda and asked her what was happening.

"Not now" she didn't look up.

"Come on" he tried again "I get you can't tell me everything, but I can see something is going on"

"I will tell you everything" she turned to look at Benson's office; the door was still closed "but not now, ok?"

"Fine" Nick raised his hand in surrender.

She gave him a little smile, just to reassure him she was fine, they couldn't talk about it at the station.

Hours later they were back at Amanda's place again.

"Well?" he asked as Frannie happily greeted her.

"God, you're impatient" she smiled at him and nodded in agreement, he sure was.

"You were gone the entire night and didn't call" he tried to justify himself.

"I know, I couldn't do that, but don't worry" she sat down and he joined her I went to Mason's place" she started.

* * *

><p>They started going through the boxes. There were many files and many documents, various money transfers, medical equipment shipments details.<p>

Since neither Mason nor Amanda had known exactly what they were looking for, they had to look at everything very carefully. Their 'suspicious' pile was growing fast.

But then Amanda remembered something.

"The MRI machine" she said and elaborated because Mason gave her a confused look "I've told you about it, Collins donated an MRI machine to the hospital, let's see what they have about it"

"You are a genius" he said and knowing what they were looking for, they had managed to find it faster.

After that things got easier. They crossed referenced information and found another company,

.Health. That was the company the MRI machine was purchased from. But Mason tried to look them up in his database, and there wasn't much. It appeared to be a straw company.

"This could be his way of smuggling things in, but also a good way to launder the money" he said "I will have to look into them tomorrow. I guess he's using to buy the equipment, and then he brings his merchandise inside of it, and donates, maybe even sells it to hospitals using Vidaport"

"Probably with the help of his mother" Amanda added.

Mason stood up and looked out of the window to the dark street outside. Could this be it? Finally?

"What now?" Amanda asked after a while.

"We have to finish going through the rest" he turned to her "but now I'm taking them down"

"And I just wait?"

"Yes" Mason nodded "if everything goes right, this is the last thing I'm going to ask of you" he pointed at the remaining boxes "if he calls, don't even answer"

* * *

><p>Two days later there were no news, not even rumors, nothing.<p>

But Amanda did as she was told, waited. Collins didn't call, so at least she didn't have to deal with him.

"I'm going out to get some food" Nick said. They were at the squad room, waiting for results for a case.

"Mind if I join?" Amanda tried to sound casual "I could use a break, want anything Fin?"

"Bring me something good" Fin answered and Nick had to wonder if he suspected anything. It was getting harder to hide their relationship, control their expressions, their tone of voice, not to stand too close to each other. Not that they were going to make out in the middle of the squad room, or anywhere else at the station as it was very unprofessional. But he was afraid to even smile at her sometimes, just so no one could read his emotions.

They got Chinese and walked back to the station a little slower than they should have.

"My mom made more of that chicken you like" he let her know.

"So your place then?" she smiled at him.

They were about to walk into the precinct when somebody called Amanda.

"Detective Rollins" they both turned to see Collins.


	15. Chapter 15

"Detective Rollins" they both turned to see Collins.

"Can we have a quick word?" he was standing on the sidewalk, close to the entrance.

She gave Nick the best reassuring look she had and handed him the bags with the food "you can start eating without me, I'll be back soon" she told him and walked towards Collins.

Nick had to really force himself to go inside, but he kept on spying on them through the glass doors as they walked away. He knew the man was Collins, Amanda never showed him a picture and he had made a promise not to enter his name in any of the NYPD databases, but Nick used a different tool, the internet. They disappeared from his sight and he had no idea what to do.

* * *

><p>Amanda tried to look calm while talking to Nick, to put not only him at ease, but also Collins. She had no idea what was going on with Mason's investigation, maybe there were complications. Hopefully Collins had no idea about her involvement.<p>

But she was anxious, what if he knew? What if he somehow managed to find out?

"What are you doing here?" she looked at him.

"We need to talk, but not here, come with me" he started walking and she followed, thinking that she had to reach out to Mason somehow.

Collins stopped at the corner and looked around, he seemed distressed, something was bothering him.

"What's going on?" she tried.

"I need your help" he replied "and this one is a little different, but you can't say no"

It wasn't just his words that bothered her, his tone was tense, his all demeanor was tense. She waited for an explanation but he kept on walking and she was behind him.

They stopped after less than ten minutes, he looked around again, and at this point Amanda was certain he knew someone was on to him, he was running away. But what did he want from her? Did he want to harm her or did he want her help?

She soon found out it was the latter as he turned to another street and walked towards a parked car.

Eve was sitting there, reading a book.

"You are going to help us go on a little…vacation" he said and smiled at his daughter who seemed confused to see Amanda.

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Listen to me detective" he lowered his voice and moved so close she could feel his breath on her cheek "you are going to help us get away from here, or I will make sure your bosses learn about our little deal, I have recordings of our very interesting conversations and I'm sure you wouldn't want them to get out"

His words were meant to scare her, but they did the opposite. Amanda was reassured he wasn't aware of her part in the FBI's investigation.

The only choice was to go along with it until she could let Mason know what she was doing. Hopefully she would get the chance to do that soon.

Amanda looked as if she was considering the possibilities but then she gave him a nod.

"Don't worry" Collins distanced himself from her "I will make sure you get a nice payment after this trip"

She sat down in the driver's sit and Collins took the one next to her.

"What is she doing here?" Eve lowered the book.

"She is our driver for today" he looked at the girl "don't worry about it"

Eve glanced at Amanda and then at her dad, she did not reply and went back to her book.

"Where to?" Amanda turned to Collins.

"Canada" he answered.

"It's a long trip, I need to let my partner know I'll be gone for a while, don't want him to look for me" this could be her chance to make that call and end everything.

"No" Mason said after thinking about it "turn it off, you can make something up later"

* * *

><p>Nick walked back to the squad room trying to look as if nothing was wrong. Not like he went to get food with Amanda and returned alone.<p>

"Where's Rollins?" Fin asked and took a box from the bag Nick had placed on the desk "I'm hungrier than I thought"

"She had to go do something, said she'll be back soon" he couldn't think of anything better and sat down on his chair.

"You're going to eat that?" Fin wondered, since Nick didn't reach for any of the boxes and looked a little off.

"Actually" he shook his head "I'm not that hungry from some reason" she tried to smile and walked to the bathroom.

Nick tried calling her but it went straight to voicemail. He washed his face and stared at the sink. He wanted to do something, Amanda had disappeared with a man who should have been arrested already and instead he was walking around, doing god knows what, involving Amanda in it.

Does the FBI agent know about this? Don't they have eyes on him? What if he knows about her? What if he hurts her?

The pain from the accident would be nothing compared to losing Amanda.

No, he can't let that happen.

Amanda wouldn't want him to do anything, she thinks everything is under control. But if he stays silent Fin and Liv would ask where exactly she went. What was he supposed to do?

He didn't have Mason's contact number, but they could just get in touch with the FBI headquarters. He won't appreciate her telling anyone about him, but maybe that's the only option if he wants to catch this guy.

Whatever he decided, Nick knew someone would be pissed with Amanda, and with him too.

But then again, does in matter? He could live with her being angry at him as long as she is safe.

He opened the door with the intention of walking into Benson's office and telling her everything. But a moment after he was back at the squad room the elevator door opened and four people with FBI jackets walked out of it.

"Phil?" Fin thought he recognized one of them but Phil was in software engineering and…

"Fin" the man walked over to him "no time for long explanations, I am agent Mason with the FBI" he showed him the badge.

"O…k" Fin turned to look at Nick who looked surprised too, but not for the same reason.

Olivia stepped out of her office to find out what was going on in the room.

"Can I help you?" she asked Mason and he introduced himself again "and how may we help you agent?"

"I'm looking for detective Rollins" he said.

Fin gave Nick another look and then he seemed to figure it out "so you are not Phil" he approached him "she helping you out?"

"Indeed" Mason nodded "detective Rollins has been an asset in a very important investigation" Nick walked over to the trio "we need to talk to her"

Olivia and Fin looked at each other, clearly shocked by the news about Amanda, then the two of them turned to Nick as he was the last to see her.

"We were coming back with food" he told Mason "and a man approached her, she told me to go inside and that she would be back soon"

"When was this?"

Nick looked at his watch "less than forty five minutes ago"

"Ok" Mason nodded and turned to the other agents who rushed to him "trace her phone ASAP" the agent nodded and walked away.

"I'm sorry agent" Olivia looked at him "would you please explain what is going on, secret investigation or not, it involves one of my detectives" she looked at Fin who seemed clueless as her.

Mason briefed them quickly, knowing that keeping information now would just cause more trouble for Rollins later on. He told them how she saved Eve's life, and how her will to ensure the girl wasn't being mistreated got her involved with him.

Nick already knew all of that but he tried to look as if it was all news to him. He just wanted Mason to reach the part of today in the timeline.

"We've arrested many people" he said, not elaborating too much "but Collins has managed to escape and from what your detective here just told us, he was here, probably asking for help from Rollins"

Neither Fin nor Liv said a word, but Nick wasn't going to remain silent.

"How could you just let him escape?" Mason seemed taken aback by this question and he ignored it all together.

"Mason" the other agent called and he turned to him and then back at the detectives after he gave him a nod.

"Excuse me" Mason walked to him and Nick could see they traced her phone.

Without adding another word the agents walked towards the elevator and disappeared behind the closing doors.

* * *

><p>Amanda turned the phone back on the first chance she got. But there wasn't enough time to make a call. She turned off the ringer and luckily Collins didn't notice,<p>

She had to trust Mason to find her, there was nothing she could do at this point, not with Eve in the car.

Her thoughts drifted to Nick, he must be feeling awful, worrying about her. Maybe he already told Liv everything.

She wasn't sure which was better.

"Is grandma coming with us later?" Eve asked suddenly.

"Ha?" Collins seemed unsure what to say "I don't know"

"Why are we going there?"

"We have to, for a while" he replied.

Eve stayed quiet after that and Amanda wondered what would happen to her after they arrest Collins. Her mother was dead, her grandmother and father in prison. She needed to be with someone who would love her and help her, not ignore her problems.

They have been driving in silence for some time until a noise caused Collins to jump so he almost hit his head.

"What the…" Amanda said, they could hear sirens and Eve seemed scared.

"What's going on dad?" she looked around.

"Nothing, keep on driving" he looked at Amanda.

"Maybe I could check it out" she suggested "tell them everything's alright here"

Collins nodded, thinking it was the best chance.

Amanda pulled over and the cars did the same. A couple of man walked out side and she was happy to see Mason.

"I'm with the NYPD" she said "what's going on?"

Mason rushed to her and took out a pair of handcuffs "you are under arrest" he turned her around a little abruptly and put the handcuffs on her. The other agent escorted her to one of the cars and told her they would let her out soon.

Amanda watched as Mason walked to the car and arrested Collins, while another agent asked Eve to step outside, she looked scared but followed him quietly.

Mason put Collins in another car and Eve sat down in another.

"Sorry about that" Mason walked over to the car Amanda was sitting in and handed the agent there the keys "I will see you soon" he smiled at her.

* * *

><p>"You must be happy" Amanda smiled at Mason, they were at the FBI headquarters, in his office.<p>

"Not sad, that's for sure" he laughed. He looked younger all of the sudden.

"Mason" an older man walked into the room "good job"

"Thank you sir" he smiled "this is detective Amanda Rollins"

"Nice to meet you" the man said and shook her hand "I hear you're the one who should get the praises"

"Detective" Mason looked at her "this is the Assistant Director of the New York office"

"Oh" she wasn't sure what to say.

"And she is the one I helped to get our man"

The assistant director laughed "we could use someone like you in here" he looked at her "if you ever get tired of the police department. I came to tell you we have made contact with the girl's aunt, she lives in Europe and looks like she will take Eve to live with her" he smiled "I must go but again, good job"

"Thank you sir" Mason said.

"I might have to take him up on that" Amanda looked at Mason "I'm sure my sergeant is not very happy with me"

"I think she isn't" he had already told her about the visit to her station.

"I should go face them, I guess" she turned to leave.

"Wait Rollins" Amanda looked at him and he walked towards her "I really owe you, I am forever grateful for your help. No matter how soppy this sounds… you really made a difference here"

"You gonna be ok, now that it's over?"

"I'm going to take some time off, I hear resting is a thing. After that I will be back here" he shrugged "you know…funny thing is, now that it's over, all I think about is what would have happened if she was still alive, if she wasn't killed in that…not accident"

Amanda nodded, she wasn't going to tell Mason's boss about his affair.

"I wonder if things were different, if I put her before the investigation… but I always chose my career…"

"You're not the one who killed her"

"Does not being guilty for something eases the guilt?" he shook his head, replying to his own question.

"Maybe you should take a long vacation" she suggested, knowing there was nothing she could say to make him feel better.

She walked out of the building and made her way to the precinct. What would she chose?

Amanda wanted both.

* * *

><p>It's been a long few months. Fin acted insulted for a while but Amanda knew how to get his forgiveness. Benson was unhappy with her, but she worked undercover with the FBI a long time ago herself and honestly, she was glad this time it had nothing to do with Amanda's problems.<p>

Nick's cast was finally off, he had to do physiotherapy but he didn't mind as long as he could finally see his arm.

"How about we celebrate tonight?" Amanda whispered when they had a moment alone.

He smiled at her and was about to say something when they were interrupted.

But it was a Friday and they had the weekend off, so he didn't mind waiting until they could be alone again.

* * *

><p>They had dinner, this time Nick made it and even brought some to his mom as a thank you for all of her help.<p>

Nick washed the dishes and Amanda stood next to him, caressing his arm once in a while.

"You are distracting me from the plates" his voice was serious but she could see he was trying to hide a smile.

"The plates…I know how much you like them" she grinned at him but decided to stop, hoping he would be done faster.

* * *

><p>Nick woke up early and sat down at the edge of the bed. He looked at Amanda who was hidden behind her hair. They sure celebrated last night, and the thought made him smile.<p>

He felt her move on the bed and soon her warm body was pressed to his back and her hands caressed his chest.

Amanda kissed his shoulder "where are you going?" she asked, leaving light kisses on the back of his neck and shoulders.

"If you keep this up, nowhere" he turned his head and was rewarded with a kiss on his lips.

"Good" she said and pulled him after her.

* * *

><p>"I need to tell you something" Amanda and Nick were at the park, waiting for Frannie to come back with a branch Amanda had thrown to her.<p>

"OK" he turned to her.

"I thought it was a joke when they first told me about it months ago" she started "but Mason has returned to work and offered me to join his new team"

"Oh" Nick was surprised to hear this, not because Amanda didn't deserve it, but because he thought she wouldn't want to leave the NYPD "and you're thinking about it?"

"I guess" she took the branch from Frannie's mouth and threw it again "I mean, what are we going to do? We can't keep it a secret for long, if it's even still a secret" she winked at him, they both had a feeling everyone could tell they are together.

"It's different, but maybe it wouldn't be that bad for me to leave SVU, after all" she shrugged and then smiled at him "every end is a new beginning"

* * *

><p><em>This was the final chapter as you probably guessed.<em>

_I know the last line was kind of cheesy, but it was a nod to the fact each chapter started with the word/line the previous one ended with, so I though it suits : )_

_I had fun writing this fic and even more fun reading your kind words. So a big thanks to everyone who had enjoyed this story._


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